Well, yeah, the team sucks now, so of course they can start showing the makings of a spine.

At my best friend’s wedding, we quickly figured out that when she and her husband had asked the DJ for a variety of music, he only heard the “50s and 60s.” They had a few song requests that he didn’t have; but thankfully my CD case was in my mom’s car, and she was also at the wedding.

Arizona is the Florida of the West. Ohio is the Florida of the midwest. Maine is the Florida of the North.  

plus you get a little bloody skin in every meal

I’m extremely concerned about the guy who submitted that.

The, “OK. Thanks.” killed me. It was awesome because he was spitting straight fire in the booth, and he knew it. 

I think it was that throw to Gronk down the sideline where he noted, “If the safety steps up, he’s going to Gronk one-on-one.” I immediately was staring at that safety, saw him step up, and I was like, “Here it comes.”

Oedipus?

I’m certainly not secretly Julian Edelman, posting online under a different identity, where I disparage myself to further the narrative that I’m an underdog, who never gets support...If that’s what you’re suggesting it’s insane and certainly sounds like a thing that asshole Julian Edelman (again, not me) would do.

So, Massachusetts and Connecticut.

He grew up in a well to do community and was the star quarterback in highschool (where he was a dipshit and everyone kissed his ass). He momentarily got sidetracked because he was a bad student who was 5'10" and ended up up overcoming SOMETHING in order to be a successful dipshit who still thinks he’s an underdog,…

I’m assuming Jules is an albino squirrel?

My father, an avid football fan and gambler, gave me this advice on his deathbed.

Carey’s former manager, held Shakhnazaryan down and peed on her multiple times. Bulochnikov also allegedly lifted Shakhnazaryan’s breasts and placed objects, like iPhones and remote controls, beneath them.

Not teargas them when they try to legally seek asylum.

It seems reasonable, sure, but it’s also ineffective.

“Fuck this guy” really isn’t strong enough for what I’m feeling towards him.

Didn’t you hear? Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi killed them with their bare hands and weak border control views. Sad! 

I’m so looking forward to the dead letters in response to this article defending the soggy fat president and his soggy beige food.