My excuse is I hate spending money on anyone but myself, I don’t like spending time with anyone but myself. I’m in the best relationship ever... With myself.

Colin Farrell’s fame is disproportionate to his career, yes?

That is so like babies!

I had an African Politics class my senior year of college and the first thing our professor told us was that if any of us ever referred to Africa the continent as a country or any country in Africa as a continent, he would automatically fail us. This should be a rule in life too.

I guess on-set schooling doesn’t cover geography.

The public school system really is a better option for this child. Home and Hospital instruction can be arranged for students who have prolonged absences due to medical issues. This means that they send a credentialed teacher to the child’s home every day to provide instruction.

Anything west of the Hudson River I just consider to be “Hoboken.” Battle Creek is in Hoboken.

Kris is probably hoping she looks 6 months old.

Oh, definitely. I have terrible taste in men (and sometimes women).

How about:

You know who she needs to date? John Mayer. They seem like they'd get along famously.

I first read that to mean he’s dying. But then I’m pretty fatalistic.

That’s something Ron burgundy says to get his mouth warmed up for the news.

Let’s look at my qualifications. So my mother is Korean, and my dad is White, Black and Indian. I expect Bethany Frankel to be at my door shortly.

Triple homicide.

Kill: myself

Kill them all

• Kylie Jenner is “using King Cairo to get back at Blac Chyna.” Kids these days! [Hollywood Life]

This one was my favorite. I love the lip color.

This eye look is fabulous for glasses. I love the whole look. I wish I could have someone do this for me every day... without my glasses on I can’t see what I’m doing!