Ohhh this is damn good vintage Deadspin. 

400 hours of debate on A) is it Nikes fault and B) should he return to college ball

This will be hard for Kentucky fans to swallow, much like their cousin's penis. 

Why drag the Na'Vi into this??

No surprise, the Shawny and Iroquois hate each other. 

Your dicks are not weathervanes, my friends! They’re just dicks

You beat me to it. Oh well.  Some you win, some you lose, some roulette go.

Even the blonde cheerleader clowns on them. 

USMNT hands down. Supposed deepest team ever, rigged qualifying system to help them make the World Cup, playing against Mexico and a bunch of banana republics, and still botched it.  While the entire world watched and laughed.

Ravens Steelers x Duke UNC x Yankees red Sox and you still don't even get close.  

Personally, I don’t enjoy a game that feels like the outcome will be decided by whichever team gets the ball last

“Yeah! Go back to the Bahamas!”

“Go back the river you were born in" doesn’t have the same racist connotations

Apples are the best with a little sugarcoating.

Baseball did have something like this back in the 1990's. The Cubs signed a fan, Henry Rowengartner, and it was a lot of fun to follow! He had his struggles at first, especially playing alongside his hero Chet “Rocket” Steadman, but he settled in and became a key player in their postseason run. He even struck out…

ALCOHOL aka THE DEVILS DRINK is a sinful vice that turns good MEN into animals and WOMEN into harlots. Our great President leads by rejecting this poison and all of YOU should to, before it is TOO LATE.

The Incredible Sulk.

On my high school football team the Halle Berry was when we put on Swordfish and paused it at :38.00.

This is tremendous. 

Given they were down multiple scores with 4 minutes left, that would have been the logical decision.