I guess it depends how you read it. I took it as him painting himself as the clueless butt of the joke, like the Butabi bros. (For whatever reason, I picture her audience as cheery, happily married midwestern moms who, in fact, have zero interest in his D.)

This is definite “why the hell am I dating you? I don’t have to be dating you” face.

Honestly, I ran into that damn spelling repeatedly for a YEAR before one day it clicked and I realized what phonetic fuckery was afoot. Until then, I just figured it was some new whaasssuuuup-type slang. Walllaaahhhh!!

Oh my god. OH MY GOD. This is everything.

You’ve never dated a straight hipster or college aged bro, I take it. Plus ca change...

Oh man, that’s so depressingly logical and right-sounding. Stupidly, I was assuming they’d have some shred of shame and not want their surviving families publicly identified.

a Syrian passport “belonging to a man born in 1970, and an Egyptian passport had been found lying close by the bodies of two other jihadis.”

My husband used to watch Bridezillas (on his own!) when we were engaged. I could always tell when he’d been watching it because he’d just come in and randomly hug me.

I feel like we should all adopt that phrase as shorthand to describe any sufficiently crazy night. “How was Friday?’

I’m from a verrrry close fam, so for my sibs and I, it was the opposite — we were secretly hoping for mates who had healthy but comparatively emotionally distant relationships with their fams, so we didn’t exhaust ourselves trying to see both equally.

Makes sense. In most cases, the positives don’t matter if the negatives are big enough to break you up.

I mean... she’d probably been jogging for a while by then, certainly longer than they had that day. Is he saying his cops were fit for duty, yet NOT fit enough to be capable of running a few feet ahead of her and flagging her attention rather than lay hands?

Because the middleschoolers are unsupervised and bored.

Given a chance (based on his comments) I have a strong suspicion you could add oral to that disappointment list.

He has a point, though. Famous Guys In Bands have a notorious disadvantage with getting the sex.

I mean, he kind of looks a bit like an Evil Baby character. Or maybe Pugsley?

Maybe he/she needed to be flank shaved for some medical procedure, so they decided to have fun with it to make it a cheerier occasion? Orthe cat rolled in glue or something else that required it?

How old is he? That’s usually mentioned with arrests, and he has one of those cartoon faces where he could be 15, could be 48.

Trademarking tush. I can see that.

What’s up now that I’m an acclaimed adult street fighter and you’re just an orthodox Jewish high schooler?