how about button down shirts that are sized according to bra size and waist size? For example instead of my usual large size shirt, it would be 36D / 30.

If you got paid in 85% dollar bills you'd have a fat wad of cash too.

shut up, Mark is Jezebels national treasure.

I really just need to start sending you my therapy bills, Mark.

All my dad ever gave ME was an inherited anxiety disorder.

I haven't watched Sherlock (don't hate!) but I'm still crazy for Dr. House. Brilliant, bitter, sarcastic? Oh hell yes.

I like nice geeky guys in real life, but I don't love them as much as I should. I'm terrible at relationships.

Wow. I read the original article at LA Weekly and the one here. This man has some really amazing things to say about life.

Thanks for basically ruining my weekend with this story. Leaving now to take my kids for as much ice cream as they can eat until they barf. Big hugs for them. They are the light of my life.

manliness really is impregnating your dog and goldfish

Dodai, bless you. Truly, bless you. You are doing the Lord's work.

You should look up the French/Spanish/Italian teams players over the last 10 years. Some of those men have been ... well, just go look :)

Things your parents are allowed to tell you they forget how much they loved:

Wait...why would you write "REDRUM" on the mirror?

I'm sorry that you lack a sense of wonder that compels you to shit on the tastes of other people. You sound like a real peach.

So what I'm getting from this is that you're anti-fun and kind of boring.

I read all genres of literature without prejudice, and in my experience they all have their share of the good the bad and the ugly. I'm genuinely interested to know why and on what basis you feel justified in 'poking fun' at the others? Especially if you don't read them and aren't familiar with them? Could it be in…

I feel like every lady has had that drunken conversation with their girlfriends where they all confess to finding the beast hotter than the prince and feeling super weird about it .

oh man, I tortured my older sister with that song. I think she still shudders when people say "tomorrow" in everyday conversations