That’s the most sensible thing he’s said in days! Seriously!

If we survive, this must never happen again.

I want to be patient and understanding, but the plain fact is, if you look at this shitshow and aren’t completely horrified, but are, instead, overjoyed, then the chance of us peacefully coexisting forever are realistically pretty slim. 

You are exactly right. It’s like letting American Christians get away with totally perverting Christianity’s animating message of peace, love, humility and generosity. Because these heretics haven’t been called-out for their blasphemy, we are now stuck in a country where a bunch of greedy war-mongers won’t shut the…

Did you know that people in Versailles, pre-plumbing, used to just drop a duece in the corner of the room or take a piss in the hallway?

Every single Republican, and I am not just talking politicians, but regular people too, who doesn’t, at the very least, back away slowly from this lunatic, is a traitor to this country. That sounds like hyperbole, I know, but it isn’t.

I like the part where he’s all “you’re black. can you get those other blacks on the phone?”

You’re fired?

Doesn’t need to attack. Just needs to show up and let the magic happen.

Ok Florida Man, make this one special. Everyone get out there with your guns and snakes!

The only reason to go on Tucker’s show is if you have pictures of him drinking the blood of small children and can manage to get them in front of the camera before he cuts you off.

How is it bigoted to say that a Jewish person in league with Anti-Semetic white nationalists has something deeply, deeply wrong with them? Trump will throw black people (via Don King) and gay people (via Peter Theil) a bone to hang their self-delusions on, but Steve Bannon is loudly, publicly anti-Jewish. There is no…

“But Steve, I hate black people just as much as you do!”

Poor Tony Hale, who is a comedic genius, to have to be associated in any way with this SoCal dick bag.

Miller is like taking the biggest douchebag from everyone’s high school and putting him in charge of the government. Hopefully Republicans never live this down.

Every time I read that they are celebrating the sabbath, I’m like, “c’mon really?”

Book report on Catcher in the Rye: “Well there is this guy, he’s catching, see, and what he’s catching is Rye.”

So I’m looking at two-state and one-state, and I like the one that both parties like. (Laughter.) I’m very happy with the one that both parties like. I can live with either one.