I hope he hits five home runs and each one features an increasingly offensive bat flip.

Back and to left field, back and to left field. 

This man wanted for questioning...

He was on the dirty knoll.

How can the SAME PITCH hit a man in the Arm, and another in the Head, and a third in the Chest?

Parrotheads have shown they can withstand any duration of torment.

By wise and reasonable you mean totally lame, right? Now I have to hit play 60 times and that’s just unreasonable.

For what it’s worth, I requested 10 hours of this, but Lauren is both wise and reasonable.

“Im lovin it but like what if it was child porn what now libtards”

I just saw that reply on twitter and immediately came to Deadspin to see if it had been written up because my brain is bad.

God help his kids if they aren’t 100% gender-norm-conforming straight-arrow narrow. And I do mean that.

Which led to this outstanding reply.

oh for fuck sake...

Yeah, it somehow led to this.

“Just do it”? Does that mean you can “just do” the Holocaust? How can so many people @Nike be this ignorant as to the logical fallacy this entails. This is absolute absurd. I really don’t understand. Why would u support this?

Trevor Story lives his life a quarter of a mile at a time, and for those 10 seconds or less, he was free.

What’s a typical sample size of individual pitches needed to get a reasonable confidence interval? This Fangraphs article suggests 70 batters faced for strikeout rate, so at about 4 pitches per plate appearance, it’d take ~300 splitters or so? Am I doing this right? I can move into my mom’s basement for greater…

Yes. But!...

This is such a big story I know but I swear it should be an even bigger story. What this guy is doing is insane. When you are 10-years-old and you fantasize about playing MLB, this is how you imagine it, a great pitcher who hits so well they have to let you do that too.