I found her CDL Instructor.....

Lol yess

Puke-crusted sponge mop Donald Trump.

Emulsified carrot cake Donald Trump.

In all seriousness, is she mid-stroke there?

This has nothing to do with the post, but my boyfriend and I just decided to elope in Zanzibar this summer and I’m too happy and excited to not tell *someone*

orh EMENEMS

we don’t pee, we don’t poop, we don’t bleed our own blood, we are robots

I love vintage coats!! Far superior quality, unique styles and details (compared to modern, that is), usually nicely lined and often have a fitted interior cuff to keep wind from coming up the sleeve. And easier to wear than dresses for those who find vintage hard to fit. I just photographed a great brick red 40s…

“Barratry” is the offense of instigating or encouraging groundless litigation. Two observations: First, I never heard the term in three years of law school; second, the attorneys she worked for must have flagrantly abused the system to get busted for Barratry. Then again, if their solution to being charged was to hire…

I somehow want these to be made into an advent calendar.

• An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back

These Real Housewives are like a plague upon the earth. Every time I see one of these articles and wonder “Who the fuck are these people?” it’s always some Real Assholes.

My husband proposed to me after a day of housecleaning when I was lying on my bed wearing my rattiest, grodiest sweatpants. I did NOT want him to wait until I changed! I wanted to hear it right then!

MARRIAGE IS NOT ORIGINAL. Humans have been doing it since we first ran into that monolith and bonked each other on the head with thighbones. It’s one thing to want to make your proposal special, but that’s different then original!

I just have to tell you - because of your avatar - that one night I stayed up really late looking for reports or articles on psychic/medium connection attempts to contact Anne Boleyn. Someone needs to get the Long Island Medium to the Tower immediately for a discussion on Henry, Cromwell, and all that wild shit.

I think that means it’s a bunch of baguettes, probably with a wheel of cheese and some wine behind those.

Beast’s eyeroll proves he’s seen her try to shoot arrows before and knows she couldn’t swing a lute by the neck and hit the arse of a wild boar sleeping just a yard away. He’s not gettin’ up.

“Prithee, Lucretia, watch me nail this luckless bastard right between the eyes.”

“Aw shit, I’m a metaphor”