“What is handicapped fans?”

So his batting average projects out to, let’s see, about .650 in the majors?

Bicycle kicked!

I think you mean the “Moda Center”

They should have shown those toffs by going commando (or “regimental,” as they say over there).

No, that only happens in Serie A.

Gordon Hayward? Granted, that’s mostly because there’s a full bottle of product in there:

(Yes, I know that he’s confessed that it eventually was a rug)

Emma Stone! I mean, she just won an Oscar for a musical! And she can play Asian!

Faultlessly!

Or 600,000 future lotto tickets!

It’s gonna be Jam City in LA!

Someone ask him if he wore a cup during that charity baseball game.

By “nobody,” he meant “all those hookers he banged.”

Messi had/has a growth hormone deficiency.

Rooney to MLS in 3, 2, 1....

I have it on good authority that Lamby was not abused; the person who shoved pebbles up Lamby’s orifices was just engaging in youthful sexual experimentation, which Lamby was there to facilitate.

20 years is long ago; storied is that it got reported by the Times (along with lots of other places).

CNN has a long and storied history of journalistic fuck ups: