Well, he can dunk!

Plus you’d probably need time in a decompression chamber at that depth for that time.

Next year’s match between the Miami Zlatans and Ronaldo Salt Lake will be epic!

Also worth mentioning: at 47 meters down (154 feet) you run out of air in about 10 minutes (quicker if you’re thrashing around fighting sharks) and you’d probably need to be rushed immediately to a decompression chamber or you die of the bends.

“Sometimes that shark, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y’know the thing about a shark, he’s got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.”

Ok but the Supreme Court may require him to eat a menorah and a Kwanzaa candle in order to prevent an Establishment violation. 

“Messi would have blown a .36 and driven on the wrong side in reverse.”

You can get plenty of bodice ripping ardor from semaphore!

“I’m sorry if I got overly excited.”

Yet she refuses to allow an author name swap on any 100% McCartney written Beatles composition. Because, you know, the money:

The Beef Bris Kit?

There really is no shortage of liberals who want other people to follow their liberal policies, but not them.

Alas, this is too late to stop the British Invasion.

Exclusive photograph of the botulism toxin that put him in the coma:

Experimental subject: “I see Julia Roberts’ acting range”

“GOODNESS GRACIOUS!”

And she’s a lawyer. I wonder how that argument would work in court?

Think of the harm to children’s clowns done by the conviction of John Wayne Gacy. Will no one think of the children?

But not the private jets he flies around in

Don’t treat it with the Harry Lime penicillin