I like to think that Mourinho is daring Deadspin to post a sex video of him.

I wanted to be tongue-in-cheek pedantic about pointing out Rogers’s use of The Maple Leaf Rag, since it and The Entertainer (the other Scott Joplin song you know) are always, always used in Old West Saloon scenes. It’s always low key kinda irked me because those are ragtime songs from 1899 and 1902, which came well…

Pizza is a complete meal in itself. That’s kinda the point.

Same here. Pizza and french fries is a menu item from Chuck E. Cheese’s, not for actual people. 

“From my own experience, Mensa customer service is lacking.”

It’s bad enough the Russian bots try to ruin our elections, now they’re going around saying that french fries go with pizza before hot dogs?

That’s how you know of Eric Andre?

Congrats to Jon Glaser on his fantastic statue

This was actually an ad for their new sitcom, “Triumph of the Will and Grace.”

if the time jump is 6 years, shouldn’t the zombies be all rotted away by now?  they certainly wouldn’t still be ambulatory, right?

oh, Ralph. It’s back to Tethered Swimming for you.

If you're a parent at one of these games and you see this happen to your kid, how do you not stomp this guy the fuck out on the spot? 

“If he wanted us to go into a game he would pull our ponytail and drag us to the scorer’s table.

Drink poison you sad fun sponge.

What? Halloween is a great day to meet and hang out with your neighbors.  There are so few neighborhood holidays, why would you cancel this one?

Spencer Dinwiddie sounds like the lead singer/guitarist of a late-90s Neo-soul quartet from Mississippi.

Spencer Dinwiddie sounds like the main character in an indie comedy where there's a British narrator that constantly refers to him by his full name.

People who try to enjoy life are the fucking worst!

“I’m gonna fuck you in your ass the next time you talk out of line.”

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the new University of Maryland football coach.