This is where I'd take my kids if I didn't like my kids.

Joyce Carol Oates: kind of a buzzkill

2-1 is a much smaller margin of victory than I would have expected, considering everyone in the world has seen Blackfish by now.

Politician loses high-stakes bet; doubles down with Hitler reference. RISKY MOVE, BRO!

My fetus also wants to vote. And it wants to vote Republican.

My fetus wants a concealed gun permit too, please.

an image of Cookie Monster photoshopped next to Hitler with the caption "Who ate my cookie?"

No, the human barbie looks like that doll :(

There's nothing more gauche than an unelegantly-integrated advertisement.

I don't understand. He had a key? The door was unlocked? He knew them?

"A slap on the wrist"?

A girl's gotta make an exit.

This is your music festival experience?

You, sir, are a menace. And I mean that as a sincere compliment.

Agreed. Physically painful.

Is it wrong that I find this impressive? Diabolical. But impressive. Who thinks of this shit?

Kids don't do juice cleanses, they do JUICE.

war paint.

That's what Harry puts in Ron's MOUTH in Half-Blood Prince.

I just like to keep the monies in my savings account, where I can count it. For fun.