Write a Jezebel post entitled "How to Break the News to Friends who Aren't Invited to Your Wedding" and link it to everyone who has a friend rating of 7 or lower.

I would not wear that dress into a chimney. Good lord the dry cleaning bill.

What a conscientious eater of Hot Pockets!

I'm waiting for the Robin Sparkles endorsement.

Wait, her dead son's hair is fake? How do you even fake that? And why?

Winter is coming.

Being found by aliens, reconstituted and then experimented on is my idea of a good time.

They're not invited.

This is what I am doing with my own body, actually.

Thank you for addressing this. I would also add: whenever the comments section becomes infested with violent porn, it is impossible to access this site at work or even in public. You'd think that would mean that these porn burners are legitimately devaluing the Jezebel brand.

TBH I just needed "Gyllenhaal."

I have an uncomfortable feeling that I'm too old for these shirts but I want them please.

An Open Letter to Sporty Spice:

I hope training is a wild success. I wanna see lady supersoldiers.

Hacking your uterus, nbd.

In high school, I was in a Spanish immersion program that involved a homestay in a small Costa Rica town. My Host Mother was very nice, but she had a "family friend" who would come over all of the time just to check out the girls she was boarding. I was 15. He was 26. He would come over at night and "teach me to…

Step 4. Midwifery.

Yes, I want to pet this dangerous adorable thing. What can go wrong?

Party's over, guys