Because they were stuck in the Hotel California. Due to an evil spell, they could check out, but they could never leave.

5 golden rings

That's more of a Backpage ad than eBay.

Functioning Alcoholic Detective, In Color!

lol wtf is seeso

So it turns out Alex Acks is actually a geologist, not a geographer.

Well, we can't blame Tolkien for that piece of Jacksonia.

One Ale to rule them all

Do you have your survival kit ready? And how pure is your essence?

Manimal, ladies and gentlemen. Manimal.

We need master of codes Special Agent Kington on the case.

I hope you found a mysterious tattoo on the back of your neck when you woke up the next morning.

Sandra Bullock?

Tune in next week for… PEDERASTO! The game for ALL the family!

Super-8 or GTFO

The regulars are probably all running AD BLOCK PLUS anyway.

I heard about an ex-Google employee who needs a job.

Remember, if you're not paying to use it, you're not the customer. You're the product. If you can convince someone at Univision that nested comments lead to higher ad revenue, perhaps you'll get some traction.

If only Hillary had campaigned in the Electorate of the Palitinate!

Maybe grown-ass men with childlike-warped views of the world people shouldn't be in charge of nuclear arsenals or burgeoning nuclear arsenals.