When I was a kid, I had my tonsils out. I desperately wanted some trail mix. It hurt like hell, but it was worth it. I still have a similar level of decision-making and impulse control.
I was dealing with a stomach bug the other weekend. My dad made smoked ribs and even though I knew eating them would be a bad idea, I ate them anyway. They were delicious. 4 hours later they made a reappearance. Still worth it.
My son has decided that the little hard chunks you sometimes get in brown sugar are chocolate, and he cannot be convinced otherwise. So, anytime he sees the bag of brown sugar, he asks for the pieces of chocolate if I find any inside. This has happened a lot lately because I’ve been working on fully replicating my… Read more
My brother and I had our own elaborate judicial system, so when one of us owed the other one for some reason we had to drink lemon juice! We did it for years. We would have like these verbal treaties like, “if you punch me in that same spot on my shoulder again you have to drink the lemon juice, and in exchange I will… Read more
The premonitions have also come in handy, I must say. How did I know that jumping off the couch would end badly?
This “biting the hand that feeds you” idea is so prevalent in conversations about gay rights too. It’s infuriating. It was particularly intense in the ‘domestic partnership vs. same-sex marriage’ era. I wish I had had your response in my head for those conversations...
I’ve never managed to put it that eloquently before, but apparently the number of time I’ve heard this lately has solidified it in the back of my mind. These fucking dudes, man. A right means no one gave it to me; that’s the definition! You can’t take my shit away and ask me to act grateful for literally hundreds of… Read more
Same with me. Mine are all liberal, too. The Trump relatives - whatever, I can handle that. Not interested in the racism and sexism of the white dudes who masturbate about how they voted for Obama and joined the Occupy movement on FB.
I co-hosted a party last month and the saddest/funniest thing I ever saw was the group of sad, drunk white guys that eventually congregated in a corner to lament that there were no conservative candidate to represent them. As a woman, I was like: boo fucking hoo, dudes.