I would drink his tears, gain his power and attempt a bicycle kick.

Until recently, my wife worked in the same building as Dikembe Mutombo (I assume his office had to do with his charitable work) and saw him every once in a while. I actually saw him once while visiting and explained to my wife who he was. One day, they ended up in the elevator together.

The Hawks retired Dikembe Mutombo’s number last night, and kicked off the festivities with this court projection.

“Who wants to project Mutombo!?!”

Forgetting I’m not in college is the reason I show up to work as hungover as I do many mornings.

In case you were wondering what vacuum washed-up soccer star Freddy Adu recommends:

Judge: “Please approach the witness box.”

Now is my time to shine and I got nothing.

On the plus side, he can go comfort himself back at the governor’s mansion, taking solace in his 20% approval rating.

That's officially two races Jindal has quit.

Just change Europe to USA and Muslims to Irish and you could easily imagine this comment is from 1840.

Who are you quoting here?

Came here for this. Perfection.

Doctor’s also report that he was able to remember to “Pass it to Kobe.”

I moved to NYC in the winter of 2006, and started a new job in January 2007. On what I believe was my fourth day commuting from the L to the 4/5/6 to Grand Central, an express 4/5 pulled up to Union Square on a typically crowded morning rush hour. Every car was packed, yet the one that pulled up in front of me only…

I was in Atlanta on business and took MARTA instead of renting a car. I had the worst head cold of my life and could not smell anything. I was coughing up a storm. About 5 minutes in to my ride I noticed people were staring at me strange, almost with fear. This went on for about two stops until a nice Asian lady came…

Welp. fantasy sports players are requesting selfies with @darrenrovell.

Camus is a pretty tough author to start him off with IMO.

I've coached multiple youth sports, including hockey. Without a doubt, hockey parents are the fucking worst. I don't if it's due to being one of the more expensive sports to play, or if it's the disparity in ice time from game to game, but EVERY one of those fuckers thought thier kid was the best player on the team,…