Here I was about to set all this extra money on fire. I never considered a vacation!

This is the first time I’ve realized that Eric and Donald Jr. are two people. I always thought people referred to Eric sarcastically as Donald Jr.

I 100% believe the NRA would support banning toddlers over enacting a single solitary gun regulation.

Can you imagine the kind of pain that not even jetting off to Paris at a moments notice can solve???

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

Well... He’s a sexist and he works for a sexist. They just choose to be sexists in different ways!

Any statement on sexual assault from Donald should begin with “I’m deeply sorry for all of the times I’ve sexually assaulted women” and should end with his resignation. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Thanks for making this about you.

As an Asian American woman, I’m glad I’m being represented in politics.

#notallpenishavers

#notmostmen

Trump would become, as her attorney put it, the president’s “eyes and ears,”

So how would you handle the opposition when they take power and start “cleansing” Syria of ethnic minorities?

This is all you need to know about Paul Ryan: He’s a heartless fucking idiot.

Holy shit. I think you might be on to something! Those damn silly Catholics, I wouldn’t be surprised if they covered that up.

R u sure? Have you tried having sex with a cake? That’s what he’s advocating as a replacement for same sex relations right?

throw your backpack at him or her first.

If you told me radiation was bad because it hurt “corporations,” I would feel slightly friendlier towards radiation.