*glances at pile of destroyed crayons behind me*

I managed a wedding venue in Texas for a while. One groom’s family was from Seattle and showed up to drop stuff off, then they had a few hours to kill. The mother asked me “Where’s the nearest coffee house?” I told her I would google it to find out. She asked “Don’t you know?” I told her “I’m sorry, but I don’t drink…

I don’t drink coffee either, but they sell hot chocolate that’s not totally terrible.

Are you talking about Transubstantiation? Cuz that’s more a Catholic thing than generalized to Christianity.

Since you’re stuck in the ‘90s era of “Women are SOOOO complex how can men ever stand a chance!?” let me propose it to you this way:

If this is how your marriage works then you need to work harder at it. I’ve been married ten years, we have three kids, and there is absolutely no one on the planet I’d rather do anything or nothing with than my wife.

Anyone who can’t enjoy a weekend of nothing with their spouse has marital problems that need addressing. And anyone who can’t fart in front of someone you’ve committed your entire life to has personal problems that need addressing.

This isn’t a suggestion article. This is recognizing the underlying motivation behind the quality of pretty much all relationships. And it’s less about you getting what you want, and more about learning to give the people in your life what they need even if they don’t realize they need it. The four points:

The Five Love Languages. Hoooo boy is that a handy thing to know about! My wife’s language is Acts of Service followed very closely by Quality Time. Mine is Words of Affirmation, but it used to be Physical Touch. Knowing that about each other has helped us so much over the last few years because I know that rubbing…

I feel for you being in a difficult spot. We’ve all been there before. One thing that helped me and my wife through ours was learning to ask for what you need in a way that can get through to the other person. Sometimes she felt like talking about her tough day at work should automatically be met with foot rubs,…

We taught our 4-year-olds to stay in bed until the sun wakes up. It works for them. Might be worth a try!

And avoid social media. My wife has had some serious issues arise from feeling like her friends all have their lives figured out while we’re scrambling with work and kids and a house, etc. Turns out social media doesn’t reflect who people really are! Whodathunk? She cut way way back on Instagram and Facebook and has…

My sister swears by her color-changing alarm clock. She said even before they were two her kids could respond to it. You set an alarm time, but instead of making noise it changes from a red light to a green light. After a week of practice she said her kids were awesome at it. You just have to teach them that red means…

Sometimes you just have to ride it out. Other times what they want is snuggle time, even if they’re angry at you. I have twins and when they were that age we did a lot of prep-work before potentially volatile situations. If we were going to turn off a show or be done eating a certain thing we prepped them with a talk…

Wow lots of good advice in the other comments! I wanted to add my own: Set up your post-potty (or whatever it is) activities before he goes. Little pep talks work wonders for my kids. If they know they’re going to do something they love when they’re done going potty they’ll go much faster. My pep talks are usually…

My kids are in a phase of picky eating (4-year-old twins). My wife’s strategy is to try not to make mealtimes a battle because as soon as they realize what time it is they’ll put their walls up. Other people told us to wait them out, or let them eat next to nothing and when they’re hungry enough they’ll eat fine, but…

I mean, his biggest sins here seem to be that he’s a bit of a loudmouth and the boss likes him.

When did it ever ever mention that the husband wants to do anything? Also, how is an irritating medical condition a first world problem? She wasn’t asking for ways to get her housekeepers to stop speaking about her in their native language. She wanted a solution to a problem that’s affecting her daily life and her sex…

And a cure for teenyweenyitis. Asking for a friend.