But where does “mean-spirited” come in?

You had a flight leave early? Is that even legal?

You’re not weird. I stay in the same types of places for work pretty frequently and I NEVER leave the shades open. I close the opaque black-out blinds, I close the sheer curtain... things, and I overlap them so no light gets in or out. Why would I care to see a tree and a parking lot at the risk of someone seeing me…

I used to manage a wedding venue. Our booking agreement was two pages of pretty simple language basically stating that if you cancel within 3 months of the event your money is 100% forfeit because we won’t be able to sell the venue that close to the date. It’s AMAZING how many times I had to explain to grown-up people…

I’m calling it right here: Golden Girls reboot series. It’s their granddaughters and they’re coming up on middle age but desperate to prove they’re still sexy so they move to a big city and start sleeping with EVERYONE- Wait. Did I just invent Sex and the City?

People see what they want to see.

I’ve only flown into DTW twice ever. I can’t even remember anything about it (work takes me all over the country), but that’s probably a good thing. The ones I remember are the bad ones.

I’ve only had to fly through LAX a few times in my life. I didn’t have any experiences that stuck out as making it a place to avoid, but it consistently appears on “10 Worst Airports” lists so I try to avoid it anyway. Give me a small- or medium-sized airport any day. I’ve flown into some fun ones that were just the…

Old dogs, new tricks... The funny thing is my mom is so crazily inconsistent with her communication methods. She’ll text one day, call the next, Voxer, Instagram, Facebook, whatever. She’s never reached out to me the same way twice in a row even when I tell her “Voxer or text. Nothing else will reach me I PROMISE.”

I don’t care where I get routed as long as it isn’t O’Hare or anywhere in New York.

We ended up having like 5 cans of this stuff around our house. We only have three bathrooms, but my wife did not consider running out as a viable option.

I work for a small business that is on the verge of becoming a nationwide presence in the US. I started when the company had fewer than two dozen employees and now we have a few hundred. I’ve slowly seen the culture turn from one where everyone was willing to own up to their mistakes and was supported for it into one…

New #1. Just ask my wife.

What if I’m troubleshooting AV or IT problems via phone and FaceTime from a warehouse? Stick to trousers?

Now that the term “heteronormative” has entered the lexicon as a way to discourage the assumption that heterosexual relationships/attractions are the norm, can we also use a term to describe the assumption that everyone works in a fluorescent-lit, “Office Space”-esque hellscape? Maybe “cubicalnormative” or…

Picture this: You’re wearing your new robo-jewelry out to a fancy ball. Suddenly you scream “Ah! My nipple!” because some little douchebot is absconding with a piece of your flesh and hiding in that one part of your back you can’t quite reach. Now the Duke and Duchess are watching as you dance around, howling in pain…

After they give you the first one hand them a card from your wallet that simply says “Buckle up.” You’ll be the most popular guy at the funeral.

Subtract Twitter from that scenario and you’re me.

I’ve never once brought it up without being asked. It just comes up as “Oh, you’re not on Facebook? What about Twitter? Instagram? Snapchat? Blackrope? Suitkase? Crabshaq? Tribble-net? Bendergram? Fluorbuord?

I could see that working with a well-placed pause. “I’m anti-social... media.” Will use that in the future. Thank you, good Sinn.