The deaths of my heroes allow me to focus on what is truly important: me.

The witness statement in the police report explains it pretty clearly: “hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you”

Stanley Johnson isn’t actually too bad. He’s actually getting minutes now and seems to be improving from game-to-game. He’s not great, but I think his progression, especially from last year, kind of removes him from the “Butt” category, at least for now.

Kendrick Perkins! Channing Frye! Richard Jefferson! Jose Calderon! Derrick Rose! Dwyane Wade! All your favorite players from 2011 and many other players from 2009 that you actually didn’t care for all that much but fuck it LeBron’s leaving and when you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back please kill me

This is scary. It’s happened to me before. Sometimes the effects aren’t felt immediately, but then suddenly you lose all of your motor skills.. That’s why I stopped doing gravity bong hits.

Go fuck yourself with having to jump in with your ‘it’s all the same on both sides’ bullshit. One group has a history of slavery, endemic and systemic racism, and a system designed to work against them. The other is mad they can’t be racist anymore. In case you missed it, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, but the Warriors still blew a 3-1 lead.

The Pistons will be playing in Little Caesar’s Arena (or as I call it, the Pizzarena) for the 2017-2018 season.

For like 5 more months.

Tell me where he wanted Dak Prescott...

Yeah, man. Every time the chorus of moans about 2016 wells up - and understandably so - I feel compelled to bring up that you guys know 2017 is going to kick off with Trump being sworn in, followed a few weeks later by a Cowboys Super Bowl, right? I fully expect Terry Crews to be hit by a bus or something in the…

At least for the last guy, sure.

Tony Romo’s collarbone isn’t real, though.

No, he’s on the Knicks.

I call that presidential.

As someone who is at 5 years with no family contact (because my family are the most miserable people I’ve ever met), I say good for him. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose who you allow in your life. If those choices mean he’s happy, then more power to him.

Damn it I told you not to use my phone anymore!

I should get one of these for my wife. She hits the snooze over and over, it drives me crazy on the nights I'm home. I've never worked standard hours, so I sleep any time of day and wake up when my alarm goes off. It could be middle of the day or middle of the night. So her constant beep, snooze cycle kills me because…