Better?

When I was stationed in Texas I was seriously considering buying a fresh off the assembly line Beetle.

I steal mine from hotel rooms.

I prefer the fixed-head coupe to the convertible.

I’m not worried about that front brake. Since it isnt even hooked up.

Brakes are for the unadventurous.

I always imagined rämen was too salty to freeze

Oh shit! That is a good answer.

My next new car will be a 1991 Toyota Cressida. 

A large, loud meal. 

Those moments where you lift the box with force expecting it to be heavy and it isn’t. I’m feeling a version of that.

Swam for 12 hours after his helicopter crashed.

My dream 2CV is a twin-engined Sahara with a BMW R18 on both ends.

To tarnish the natural beauty of a defunct quarry.

It doesn’t have to be a tank. Read all about it in my future autobiography.

Excellent choice. Future classic.

This comment is really dumb for obvious reasons. 

They will from now on. No more effective lesson than one learned the hard way.

As a local truck stop prostitute, I wear my mistletoe helmet to greet freaked out families.

All I want for Christmas is a pair of titty backpacks.