You accomplished nothing, but you also did it poorly.

Damn, that is one boxy lass.

I bet Toyota not making hybrids fast enough lately will just seamlessly become Toyota making hybrids at the right pace without them making any changes.

Just accept that the website you enjoy for free is poorly written and never edited.

He expected you to shrivel up and die twenty minutes before the whole incident. Obviously. 

You don’t have to be gay to stick a cantaloupe up your ass.

Women will find the odds good but the goods odd.

Cheap new cars were replaced with expensive cars and mortgage-style financing.

Huh.

Let’s not condemn the little one.

Six years!? I guess that means there are a lot of episodes to catch up on.

You didn’t answer my question.

I’m sorry I encouraged you too be a happier, more well-rounded person. I should have spit on your mother instead.

A friend of mine didn’t bother to invite any of his immediate family to his wedding. There were a few cousins who also escaped, but his parents weren’t there.

Pointing out the unhealthy attention you’re still giving a decade old event isn’t victim blaming.

That anecdote was charming until it wasn’t. Then it really wasn’t.

If anyone needs me I’ll be at the pharmacy.

It isn't hit and run if you "run" to the police station and report what happened.

This is because none of you lazy jerks will quit your jobs and flip burgers for meager wages.

When you’re twenty you don’t necessarily notice the ignorance and stupidity of your peers (and yourself.) When you’re forty it is abundantly clear just how stupid twenty year olds are.