I’m just joking around with the whole eating a homeless person thing. Mark Nuckols isn’t.

Paper targets and everything. 

I’m holding out for Impossible long pig.

I'm going the opposite way with my Turdapult™.

A reasonable person would have dropped it.

I’m not an architect or carnival engineer, but I’m pretty sure you have to leave the house to poop.

Celebrities used to answer questions mailed to them by eventually mailing responses back. Then they went to a photo shoot and an editor put it all together in a glossy magazine.

Care to try again?

He was deadly serious. That is why it is funny.

My penis is close to a foot long.

Perennial (adjective) — lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.

Flying cars are perennially two years away.

See you here tomorrow.

Jack freezes to death so Rose can hog the door.

I’m not. I don’t operate on that assumption he will read my comment. Why do you?

The last thing I saw of his he told some story about being taken by three-card monte (that he seemed to draw all the wrong conclusions about.) Then he complained about money for the rest of the set. It was boring.

They did fix it.

“Doesn't seem strange to me.” — Zebulon X. Farthammer

I’d much rather cut back on burgers and meat in general.