The NFL: Where it’s totally legal to shoot a guy full of horse tranquilizer to get him to play through pinched nerves and torn muscles,but don’t get caught trying to cope with your mental issues by smoking (basically) legal weed!

I love the abundance of caution Tim is using here to avoid using the word bicycle.

Imagine thinking in 2012 that Blaine Gabbert and Kirk Cousins would unseat Colin Kaepernick and RGIII

For all intensive purposes, I think he’ll do just fine.

Republican party to Trump: “please remove your gaping maw from our dog whistle. You’re getting spittle on it."

At this point I think they’d be grateful to cram it back into subtext instead of Trump continuing to make it an overt, blaring, neon billboard in twelve-foot-high letters.

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

I’m a labor and employment lawyer. The only minority categories straight white dudes find themselves in are those of disability and age discrimination. And every single one of them hates every single minority group right up until they have an accident or get old. At which point they are SO OFFENDED.

Conservative women are searching for their place in the patriarchy instead of fighting it. There are abiding rules, of course. One of those rules is “keep quiet if you’re assaulted”. People who speak up when they’re hurt by a man have to turn in their imaginary maleness points, and get cast out of the system again.…

“Wait, why isn’t my side supporting me anymore? Why won’t they believe me when the evid—ohhhhhhhh.”

You:

You’re damn right. It’s a Sunday night and some of us need a good laugh/wince/sympathetic groan before the upcoming week.

This is on Jezebel because there’s no reason it shouldn’t be.

I don’t think us humans can understand the plight of half-human, half-robots as marginalized members of our society.

This will be a tough challenge, citizen. On one robotic hand, people watched her streams because of the sex appeal she has, the main selling point of watching her streams, much like people enjoyed watching me get blown to pieces by small arms fire.

Wow - it’s been awhile since any Republican has won the Urban vote.

How can one properly talk shit about Donald Trump without mentioning his itsy bitsy tiny little baby hands?

With Trump always talk about his fingers... really sets him off. I think he secretly agrees with all of us the hair thing is weird, but it has become part of his trademarked look. Must of been an incident in boarding school where the boys where comparing the length of their fingers and he came up short.

Thing is, I’m not sure Ronda was going to come back for that rematch. At least not by the rumored UFC 200 date. Holly completely decimated her. That matchup is just bad for Ronda and it also may have laid out the blueprint for other fighters to beat Rousey. Instead, Holly takes a fight on a Conor card that’s…

Drumpf. The sound of shit falling on the Constitution.