Older sibling high five. My brother (20 months younger) and I shared a bedroom when we were 5 and 3. We had this entire imaginary family with tons of siblings, including an evil big brother. When I wanted to take something from him or our bickering got physical, I would convince him it was all big brother and I was on…

::shudder::

My rotten older sister got her hands on a dirty magazine and showed me a photo of Long Dong Silver. He had a two-foot long penis. I cut his photo out of the magazine and took it to middle school, where it made the rounds before it was confiscated by a teacher. She hunted me down, inquiring from hand to hand where the…

I like his little “this is a good baby” ... ::smooch:: at the end. Like kissing the top of its little head was just an involuntary reaction to seeing a baby head. This guy really likes kids!

not to mention celery, which is one of the world’s worst vegetables

Okay so I actually didn’t cry during this (maybe?), but I sympathize because I had to deliver a final presentation once when I had shingles. For people who’ve never had it, it’s like all your nerves are reacting to ...air? Constant pain with a side of sudden stabby pains that make you gasp out loud. And it was in my…

Oh Man, that’s terrrible. I live in the Basque Country and I learned to speak Spanish-step 1, now I work in it, and that was frustrating enough and I still have some difficulty from time to time, especially when sick, but now I’m trying to do it up and learn Basque, which is not Indo-European and so it’s hard and…

Oh, God, you have my eternal sympathy. I’ve had to go through two rounds of intensive language training for my job, with a third coming up. The way it works is that you basically spend five or six hours a day in classroom instruction, then do three or four hours of homework. Repeat every day for six to nine months.…

don’t know if you’ve ever tried to speak in a foreign language while feverish but it was like playing the Sims and everything he said was ambient gibberish. I had to keep asking him to repeat himself and would take long pauses to try to comprehend him while my thoughts scurried away from me and meanwhile my nose was…

being really sick makes people really emtional. When I was younger and still lived at my parents, I started coming down with a bad case strep throat, but still heathy enough (so I thought) to be hanging out with a few friends at the house. So then my dad asked me to do the dishes, I started bawling saying Im not…

Also a good one I forgot: I got the worst flu of my life my junior year of college. I was in bed for days and my face would not stop leaking and my brains were mashed potatoes. But it was the middle of spring semester and I had to do a Spanish oral exam in the Spanish Conversation and Composition class I was barely…

I really liked this piece — I think it does a good job of bringing out some nuances around trying to be a good, diligent partner. That said, I really need to point out some trends in the comments section that are representative of what happens in every comments section on the topic of sexual behavior.

Wait is Hellboy a monster

I guess sexy vampires don’t count. Too obvious.

u guyz forgot a v sexy monster

high five for fellow creepy horror friends. I am that person, most definitely.

The thought of SCD (Sexy Chicken Dance) will be giving me giggles into the very distant future.

YES

It was almost like some attempt at a sexy chicken dance.