I just laughed and vomited simultaneously.

And they already had three 3rds, two 4ths, and (I think) the entire sixth round.

CCL. You mean AC...wait...I get it! CCL! Fancy-Dog anatomy joke! +1 for canine esoterica.

If you want to feel truly gross and depressed about our species, look up any online story with “Tyreek” and “abuse” in its title, scroll down to the comments section, and surf the tide of (largely ungrammatical) excusatory comments from Chiefs fans.

Looks like Despondent Jeff Daniels after the SSRIs wear off.

Keith David is like the mirror-image of David Keith.

Thank you. That redeemed my faith in humanity.

Kissed a boy goat? Is he Pan-sexual?

I’m sorry. I know this comment is too late to be all in-the-moment-topical-and-shit, but I had a long day and that comment just made me spit-spray my 28-oz Budweiser all over a platter of Buffalo Wings. May God bless your twisted heart.

I have a dream where Fallon, and Corden, and every 90’s sitcom star ever, drive around in a school bus singing each passenger’s show theme, and then Fallon gets up from behind the wheel to do the Carlton dance with that guy who did the Carlton dance and the bus goes over a cliff and lands on Jay Leno.

Infinitely preferable to Fallon

That was an exceptionally well-written sentence. Also, true.

Like him or not, it’s hardly accurate to call a Harvard/Oxford grad/Rhodes Scholar/McKinsey consultant/Naval Intelligence Officer multilingual concert pianist mayor “mediocre.”

You have truly excellent taste.

I agree this incident doesn’t seem to be of the “fuck it sweep it under the rug no problem” variety. It’s really more of the “fuck it mop it up off the floor and while you’re at it see if you can sponge that over there off the wall no problem” variety.

As predictable as the sun they believe they own.

Your point is well-stated, and I agree that encouraging competition is generally a good idea. But many of MLB’s current pro-competition strategies create counter-productive unforeseen consequences. The draft has over the past several years encouraged tanking. Revenue-sharing and pooled-licensing encourage payroll…

Were you a Matt Cooke fan?

Genius.

Considering the rocky terrain, I expected Carlsson to use Bonetti’s Defense and then cancel out the resulting Capa Ferro with Thibault unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa...which I have.