“Now that we have honest to goodness fascist, Nazi types in our government, this really is a serious issue.”

Who said these people were right wing? How do you know she isn’t deciding whether or not to serve Bernie Sanders? 

“I don’t want to serve politicians against my moral code”

“Sounds important.”

So...survival is *not* important?

K.

“Yes, there are ostensibly BETTER ones but Sour Patch Kids are the standard definition of what sour candy is.”

Ah, I get the comparison. Sour Patch Kids are the standard definition of what sour candy is and Guinness is the standard definition of trash water that should poured down a sewer grate. 

“It does do a service to the filmmakers though”

And to people who wouldn’t mind seeing a $100M+ action movie in a theatre, on a big screen, where $100M+ action movies should be seen.

I love that Netflix doesn’t release numbers, except that every big movie they release is suddenly the most-streamed movie they’ve ever released.

Netflix: we’ll make your garbage.

Hard pass.

“Is he holding the Holy Hand Grenade in that cover illustration?”

“(the film received a C+ CinemaScore, which is actually a bit better than his previous horror film)”

That’s good to hear, because Hereditary sucked and Midsommar is much better. 

“Anyway, I’m off to kill myself.”

Promises... 

Oh, sorry, did this somehow disrespect the meaningful Saw franchise?

I think maybe a better headline would be “Mariah Carey doesn’t understand what’s going on, as usual.”

“he describes white skin as blue eyes.”

I...see? 

“Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Know Who Fellow Avenger Sebastian Stan Is”

Fuck Guy Fieri. And Shane Torres.

“That’s it ? three days and thas all you have? “

I mean, you do come of sounding realllllllll dumb.

Why don’t you discuss this with all your black friends with benefits, which is something that a sane person would definitely bring into the conversation.

They like fun?

“but nobody lines up at the theater to see the new Lionsgate movie”

And a lot of people don’t line up for Disney movies. 

“Did she though?”

Yes.