“The bartenders are super nice and patient and never seem to mind, but am I wrong thinking that’s excessive?”

Are you one of the bartenders?

“That’s based on one book, not the series.”

Um, no. 

“Ron Howard says that his dud The Dark Tower adaptation “should’ve been horror””

Well, if anyone thought that Ron Howard had even a clue about what he was adapting, this should disabuse you of the notion.

“This revelation raises a number of questions.”

Or it raises one: why do we believe this just because Sasha Baron Cohen said so on a podcast?

I mean, people are taking it at face value that he’s seen the divorce papers and that they say Borat is the reason.

And this is the same Sacha Baron Cohen whose entire career is…

OMG, I can’t handle it! Look everyone, Pumbaa looks NOTHING LIKE BLACK PHILIP AND I’M GOING OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!

“All the exercise in the world won’t give Kevin Durant Dwight Howard’s shoulders.”

I guess it’s fortunate, then, that he’s going to have a costume on, which can be bulked up in any number of ways. 

“I’m sure he’ll play a college-age Bruce Wayne”

I mean yeah, I guess one definitely should assume that casting an actor in his mid-30s indicates that he’ll be playing a college-aged character.

“I’m really hoping they don’t bring back the digitally altered monster voice that Nolan introduced.”

For what it’s worth, the grown in the Nolan trilogy is all Bale. The Batfleck growl is the one that’s digitally altered. 

Oh interesting, that hadn’t occurred to me.
It was always just “Nosferatu” as a license plate in my eyes, which made perfect sense to me because Manx is sort of a vampire who rolls in a big, monstrous car, so I never bat an eyelash at it.

“Apparently all Sandler had to do was just...text him.”

Yeah?

“I’m not saying that’s a bad title for a horror project but it’s not the right title for this one for sure.”

I’d say it’s a pretty perfect title. For the book anyhow. 

What about if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”?

“And if the decline means more sales?”

Why/how would a decline in sales mean more sales? 

Well, at least you’re not taking it overly personally.

“I thought I’d purchased a faulty can and wondered if it had somehow gone flat in the time it took me to walk to my car.”

The lack of sweetness made you unable to tell that it was carbonated? 

“Every one of his tattoos looks like he got paid on Friday, went out drinking that night, then tossed his last two crumpled twenties on the counter of the dirtiest shop in town and asked “What’ll this get me?””

How is that different from any other tattoo ever done? 

Yeah, but in the third season the FBI agents were all supergeniuses.

It had a good, likable cast and , but it was never, actually very funny...

“I can’t prove any of my claims.”

Or even make a single reasonable one. 

“But what about Spider-Man? That was a big hit in Japan and the character is popular.”

Jesus Fucking Christ, you read the explanation then still wondered why Spider-Man was popular?

fucking stupid