Dressing up and tackling kids without repercussions? Sign me up

“We’re gonna penalize that shit.”
*thinks*
“We’re gonna profit off that shit.”

And here’s the NFL, publicizing the unsportsmanlike conduct!

Shump-hurt

Anyway, if I’m putting any antlers on the table, they’re gonna be real. None of these poseur antlers for me. I’m taking down Bambi’s mom and then making her head the centerpiece of my turkey dinner.

Targeting? He hit him in the gut! And! AND! He was making a play on the ball handler. Pretty sure Richard Sherman doesn’t just clap and congratulate a receiver when they make a catch. Get outta here with that targeting nonsense.

 I know adults who don’t drink their OWN cereal milk. Those are the shifty fuckers we need a national registry for.

No kid goes out of their way to barf. They just look up at you and give you that look and then let loose all the while you are grabbing them, racing to the bathroom and crying “please wait until I get you over the toilet! For the love of god, don’t throw up more on me! FUCK!”

What sick fuck checks for poop like that? You either peak in the top, smell or pat on the outside. your brother is one disturbed motherfucker.

When my kids were in diapers, I NEVER did that style of diaper check and have never understood those who do.

My wife makes outstanding chili. Like I’ll push my kids over to get the last bowl good (OK, I’ll admit, there’s a lot of food that I’d push my kids over to get at). Last year I came home from work and saw a half eaten bowl of cold chili on the kitchen table and thought “Jackpot!”. The top tasted weird and acidy but…

Seriously. I would literally die or kill for my kids, but no way I’m drinking those little fuckers’ cereal milk..

You’re drinking someone else’s used cereal milk? *gag*

I want to believe that Urban Meyer’s wife calling him in the middle of his press conference to tell him to pick up a gallon of milk is them basically dunking on Harbaugh after the win.

Friend: Hey Jim, there’s no use crying over spilled milk.

What if it works, though? What if the corporate and finance sectors are so happy to have a pro-business guy in there that stocks surge and companies start expanding?

This. I am beyond done with the moping and pissing and whining. People didn’t wallow in misery like this after fucking 9/11, for shit’s sake.

Depends on who you voted for. I voted Hillary and actually enjoyed this article, even if it’s not satirical. It’s a good balance to this site and all of the other Post-Gawker sites.

I already posted this but here it is again, just to help you prepare your brother-in-law for what may come - Regarding the dog. My wife and I have two Wheaton Terriers, about 50lbs. each. Technically they are herding dogs. But every single fucking spring, those two bastards go on a killing spree that would make the…

Does Korean Fried Chicken count as hipster craft bullshit? Because I’m eating some right now, and it’s pretty much the best fried chicken ever.