My wife took me to Texas de Brazil for my birthday one year and expected sex afterwards. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, LADY.

Ballpark seat man can fuck RIGHT off. There is nothing worse than getting to your seat in the third inning after hitting traffic and some fat homer is already parked in it spilling beer and peanut shells everywhere. Then they give you a dirty look like you’re inconveniencing him and make a big production out of…

She says “you know” 38 fucking times. The art of speech is truly dead.

Combined with your screenname, this is perfect.

My friends and I made a high school film involving the train formation. We are no longer allowed around high schools.

I have a central vacuum that all I have to do is empty the can in the basement once every few years. I have about 30-40 feet of hose and a long handle and there are suction ports in the family room and living room (gets the first floor), one on the second floor for the bathrooms and bedrooms, two in the basement (one…

I HATE having to buy a new vacuum every year or two!

Had to quickly comment on the lamp switch thing and you’re way off. I’ve got a lamp in my living room that is a touch activated lamp. All you have to do is tap a metal part of the lamp to turn it off/on. So awesome.

Agreed about music. I’m a 90s rock/classic rock guy myself, but a good film score really is the best contemporary music

Same here. I quit watching 3 years ago because fuck em.

It is exactly a stretch.

It’s not like Gawker Media writers would distort things to try and smear what they find unacceptable.....

except that’s not Chick-fil-A’s menu

Hella is distinctly Bay Area. If you grew up there, you would say it hella often.

Who the fuck is this asshole who doesn’t like pineapple?!? Drew has never had a more correct take.

Sunflower seeds are great if you have to stay awake driving overnight. My guess this is why you can get them at any truck stop.

I wish there was some version of Red Zone where I could watch the game I want, and then all the commercial breaks were just filled with Red Zone.

If they do overlap with color rush nights, I for one, will be jealous of our color blind brethren.

Yeah it’s complicated, seems like it would be a lot easier for people to just be “not colorblind.”