I fairly recently had a friend refer to her period as 'shark week' because it's bloody and bitey and that made me so happy for some odd reason.

Riiiiight right right, I forgot men are only interested in, like, one thing at a time ever! Maybe I'll go for a business professional - outfit my vagina in sleek black leather, with the smell of money, and my clitoris dressed up as a sexy secretary.

Honest-to-god conversation with my husband in Ulta:

I'm not friends with bears on the same grounds I'm not friends with sharks: I naturally bleed 25% of the month.

Questions: Since when do women not want to be friends with bears?

Lies! There is no such thing as a flattering swimsuit!

Two bellies I want to rub.

It's kind of the pinnacle of male entitlement, isn't it? 'You mean, a stripper might not want my semen on her body?'

I was just going to nominate that for the understatement hall of fame, myself.

"Where it is often unwelcome"

If it ain't BAROQUE, don't fix it, amirite ladies???

I would KILL for that makeup. Literally.

This app should culminate in a print-out for you to hand your partner(s) with a grade: Needs Improvement, Too Bangy, WTF Was That Smell, Watch Your Elbows. Also, should come with a handy board you can rank them on, like Top Gear has.

It's great to see that Wichita has no people going hungry or homeless anymore. I mean, the good Christian folk there couldn't possibly be staging these daily protests if there still were could they? Wouldn't be the Christian thing to do.

Damn you, Jezebel, for not letting me recommend this comment an infinite number of times!!!

I would assume if you have more children, you might be more religious. Hence, less likely to get a divorce cuz of religion, not number of siblings.

...Seriously, fuck this goober.

Way to bury the lede; the real age discrepancy here is between that lady and her hair.