Someone throw her on the barbecue grill.

This is why my generation had to take a lot of drugs during our teen years.

Finally someone talking about how corporate social responsibility DOES NOT WORK. I hate how the media acts like these big companies signing on to this initiative voluntarily is going to make a giant change for factory workers. Most academic sources on the matter agree that CSR does not work, and that the public's…

So when we thought the males were determining their offspring's gender, they were "alpha males." When the theory turned to females as the controllers, they're "sneaky" and "Machiavellian." For fuck's sake.

The Clidora™

Too many men and not enough women in the marriage pool?

When you're a tiger, you already won the genetic lottery.

Global warming.

Yeah, but aren't they anyway? I mean, women are encouraged to wear daily liners to protect their undergarments. What's wrong with the same suggestion for men? I would love to see a serious commercial for boxer brief liners: now scented! Keep it fresh, boys!

"We estimate 45 to 55 million boys who, when they are marital age, won't find girls available to marry," Polston said.

Annnnnd this would be the perfect time to share the age old man jingle... Passed down from father to son.

I've mentioned this elsewhere, but:

Boy
Jayden Kade Coronation Street Edgar Tits

Girl
Jade Adele Nevaeh Posh Spice Battenberg

Someday... Someday, we may have a Princess Moon-Unit. I'm waiting.

"Introducing Her Royal Highness, Princess of Cambridge... Quiesha."

If it's a boy, might I suggest this. Try and rhyme that, commoner!

I know, right? I mean, if you get rid of chemotherapy, people stop getting cancer. So if you outlaw abortion, people will totally stop having unwanted pregnancies...

"Protecting women's health" is like "Saving unborn babies." No one actually believes that shit. They just say it because they realize "We think women who have sex for any reason other than procreation are dirty sluts who deserve to be punished" wouldn't be a popular enough slogan.

Fantastic! I'll go there for all my superficial abortion needs.

The good news though is that a savvy negotiator can get 2 abortions for the price of one.

I had to stop watching Family Guy because I just couldn't stand seeing Meg get picked on so much. I get it, it's supposed to be funny, but it really just makes me feel bad. American Dad is far superior, because Roger says so.