As a parent, I don't understand how parents of asshole kids stand it. I mean, furthering polite society and learning to be a reasonable person is all well and good, but if I'm being honest, my primary motivation for teaching my kids not to be assholes is because I have to live with them.

Sometimes you just gotta lay a motherfucker out.

Boundaries, motherfucker: that kid learned them. A friend of mine got called in to his daughter's preschool recently to watch security footage of an "altercation" between her and a little boy in her class. He said on the tape, some kid kept pulling his daughter's hair, and after she pushed him away several times, she…

My son is kinda an asshole sometimes but its only because he's learned to be really sarcastic from me. He often tells me not to judge him, and one time when I asked him why he insists on throwing all of his blankets OFF his bed every night before he goes to bed, he replied "I don't know, that's just what I like to do.…

Why do I feel like Nabisco is just going to start trolling Lindy now, just so she'll have to taste test whatever they make?

It's like somone's stupid cousin at the Oreo factory bought the machine that squirts two different flavor/colors of filling at the same time, and so now they have to keep coming up with nasty ways to justify the purchase of the machine. Otherwise stupid cousin Dwayne will get canned, and no one wants to have to help hi…

I mean goddamn.

Please don't glare at my family. I tried for four years to adopt domestically. My state is horrifically corrupt and I could not get a placement, so I went overseas. My son would not be adopted in his birth country because he has a facial defect. My daughter's birth country does not adopt abandoned babies because they…

You guys. Clearly we have to get someone on this cruise!

Team Iceberg!

That dolphin is kind of dark, I'm surprised she doesn't have him in a white tuxedo doing Shirley Temple style tapdances.

My heart will go on, y'all, but I'm not so sure about my pancreas.

TO THE BUTTER!

I'm calling fake.

There's no way that this guy, if real, wouldn't wear his leather pants to the funeral. No way at all.

Also: Wouldn't it be even stranger if he had "one-too-many posters" of Michael Phelps *not* in a Speedo?

Sir Patrick Stewart does not approve.

Or we could eliminate elitist private education and create quality public education for preschool on up like they have in many Scandinavian countries. But that would be too socialist of us, I guess... (Also, as someone who has taught at the college level for over a decade, I've never been super impressed with the…