Tonight’s SNS is brought to you by: animal butts.

Oh Kermie! I’m so sorry! *manically smothers Kermie in kisses with my hair flying around me*

I’m mostly happy for Travis Scott. He has parlayed his C-list status into a meal ticket for life. I have never heard of him before today and now he’s gonna be rich.

Your first sentence-thought you were going somewhere about the work done on Madonna’s face.

Also Ryan Seacrest is not hot. He’s attractive in the sense that his face is symmetrical, but he is not hot. I don’t want to imagine Seacrest fucking me or anyone. He is a human Kermit the Frog. I want Seacrest to sell me toothpaste.

There’s a thread going going in a Dr. Nerdlove post in Kotaku about how bad Jane’s advice is.

I’m a speech pathologist and in undergrad, I was a research assistant in a lab for acquired language disorders-disorders acquired due to disease or traumatic brain injury. My job was to transcribe speech samples of adults with dementia into the International Phonetic Alphabet. This sample of Trump’s speech reminds me…

Hopefully we’ll see chard-ges filed soon, depending what turnips with the Mueller investigation.

I give the marketing geniuses a solid 75%. They got the white couch, the scruffy dog (happiness is a warm puppy!), and the favorite tee. Nailed all of that. The way they staged her with totally erect posture missed the mark. Vagina-havers serenely laze on our white couches barefooted, eating yogurt and making O-faces.

Re: 5 favorite movies clip: only smug assholes do that “you’re welcome” move with both hands shooting imaginary pew-pew-pew pistols.

I bought Miranda Lambert’s double album on the strength of a favorable NPR review and Jezebel buzz about her. Buying country music is waaaaayy out of left field for me, and I am so glad I copped the album. “Pink Sunglasses” was the song of the summer for me. I would love to see her live next.

My son showed me these Skylander toys he wants and I did an old-fashioned spit take because, well, see what I texted my friends. This is the year he gets the talk at school when the boys and the girls are separated, and he has *no idea* how very phallic these are. And so you’re right, no toddler is going to see this…

Dear Feeling Trapped,

I got married last April and we knew there would be a lot of kids there, so we had a piñata. A few of us looked for a Trump piñata, but no one in my city was making them yet. I had no qualms about what the kids might think. We just never found one.

It’s beneath him to do so. Subpar results, for sure.

Unpopular opinion alert. Wait it’s actually a question. Re: Dick Gregory not being in the Emmy memoriam, what did Dick Gregory do in the medium of television to warrant TV star status? I know him as a standup comic and leading civil rights activist. Did Dick Gregory regularly perform on TV?

All true.

I am kicking myself for not buying San Junipero fan art at the last Comicon I went to. I can still see it in my mind’s eye.