With apple juice and a side of pickle.

My coworker as Netflix and Chill; me as Effie Trinket, at approximately the moment she realized the odds are nevuh in our favuh.

Wha..?

Isn’t it bizarre and upside down? I always feel the most attractive a couple of weeks before my period, because I’m horny and I pamper myself and I’m glowing and round and my boobs are floating in the air right under my chin, but guys seem to take interest in me when I feel like my life force is being drained from…

Of all the public places to poo, a cornfield is the most appropriate.

I lived in a co-op in Portland and we had a composting outhouse. Pinching a loaf while birds and other woodland creatures prance around your feet is pretty magical.

Handling one’s own poo is a fascinating experience, isn’t it? The guy I was seeing was taking a shower in my bathroom and I didn’t want to shit in there with him — I wasn’t really embarrassed, per se (he was a squatter, so I know he’d seen/heard far worse and wouldn’t judge) I just knew this shit was going to be a…

Without context, this seemed pretty shady:

BUT I WOULD TRADE IN TWITTER AND FACEBOOK TO KEEP VINE

It is a fantastic response. I wonder if either of them have participated in Theater of the Oppressed — a type of interactive theater in which the audience practices stepping up to defend or deflect attention away from someone experiencing negative behavior, thus “changing the outcome” and “re-empower[ing] the player as…

Oh my fucking GOD I love John Cusack. My friends are so understanding about my ridiculous grown-ass woman crush:

Aww! Ok, that makes me feel better. Thank you for responding, and for taking a teeny-tiny survey, to boot!

Huhuhuhuhuh “fingersmith”... “lesbian”.

Me too! I used to tell stupid little lies all the time. When I realized it wasn’t worth it to have to remember and maintain all my lies, I decided to stop. I actually remember making the decision to stop, doing the whole cost-benefit analysis re: whether it’s better to impress people (knowing full well they probably…

I don’t know if I was ever technically caught, because no one called me on my shit, but I did get lots of side-eye when I claimed in elementary school that I had every Ninja Turtle action figure ever, but they were “in the attic” and my parents “wouldn’t let me up there” to get them. It took me a year to save up…

Damn, you’re old school. By the time I hit the Internet, they were called UBBs. :)

Archive.org has sated some of my nostalgia for Internet 1.0. Some of my old gURLpages are on there. Not enough, though.

Yea. OO went from exhilarating to exhausting pretty fast. *sigh*

I can’t see Kathleen Hannah live because I can’t stand the thought of being in the same room (or “room”) as her without getting to actually talk to her. But if I were to talk to her, I wouldn’t be able to actually TALK, due to much blub-induced hiccuping.

I’m kind of in love with Leonard Cohen and support his decision to live forever. Gives me time to work in a torrid affair.