My first three cars were:
1) 1975 Buick Electra 2-door
2) 198? Dodge Diplomat (dippy-matt)
3) 1977 Cadillac Sedan DeVille

Humor would require that you change the text of the Jalopnik article they're linking to on their crash page to this story. That way, anybody clicking through to find "evidence" would maybe actually get some...

When can I mod my 2nd Gen xB into something like this?

I once used my Scion xB to move a 9 foot couch across town (using a lot of ratchet straps), what sort of large object transportation would the D accommodate?

Everybody is nutso about the acceleration (and for good reason) but what about its practicality?

Fine, then I vote Skunk-Ape.

Ignore review, argue about the flavor of non-existant hominid...

#2 is "technically" correct, but I still don't like hops, I am very wary of anything with a listed IBU over 20-25. And anything with a lot of C-hops in it is going to be all cat-piss and christmas trees.

Paint it bright f'ing yellow and call it the NEOTONKA and I'll buy 12!

The car I drive now: 11-20% Jalop

I hear a lot of them. Most recently has been the debunking of the myth that you need to let your car warm up before driving. Obviously you need to let it run for a 10 count or more to get the juices flowing, but modern cars don't need to run for 10 or 20 minutes where some older carburetor fueled models may have…

*stumbles in from Jalopnik*

Oh, don't get me wrong, we're in a capitalistic reality.

This is okay though:

Spoken like a true guy who isn't a scientist and must toe the party line. . .

So, a guy who isn't going to be selling his stock is supposed to be worried that his stock fell a bit for a short while? Until he actually "wants out", which may never happen, this is only about the dividend and the control over those assets.

I'm wondering how interesting it would be to drive a Pickup for a year? Perhaps even use residual budget to fix up a fixer-upper. You don't have to go Rollin' Coal, but a reasonably appointed diesel 4x4 would eat up the budget pretty quick. Lastly, if size is an issue with your garage, try to find a "small" pickup.…

Anything I can't afford the payments or the insurance!

Yeah, I cannot rationalize how anything in that condition could honestly merit that price.

I will one-up that by saying I had a 1977 Cadillac Sedan DeVille while I was in high school, the interior was all genuine leather, all sky blue. I don't know where they got blue cows, but the whole thing was blue, with blue dash, ceiling, and accented with a fine (faux) wood trim.