I never listened to many of the sports side pods, but the slow death of the pop culture pods on Grantland is sad to watch. Listen. Not listen. Fuck, whatever.

Correction: it’s a real word, it’s just a word that means “making something lighter” not “AWESOME FUCKING WEATHER EVENT.”

“Lightening” IS NOT A FUCKING WORD.

I wish I felt relief, but all I felt was, “Oh god, I KNOW.”

That’s how I got placed with my parents, too. Turned out for the best, but man, what a useless measurement.

My college claim to fame, circa 2001, was that my mom got published under the same imprint as Frank Bielec. He did his first Mosey n’ Me book at the same time the publisher (who shall remain unnamed due to drama) recruited my mom and 3 other artists to do a series of craft books. We met in Phoenix at the Society of…

We’ve got the American Jesus. He helped build the president’s estate.

It’s no accident when you eat goddamn chili the night before a fight. We used to refer to it as chemical warfare when someone’d eat beans or whatever the night before rolling.

Its inventors, Julia Cordray and Nicole McCullough, insisted to the Washington Post that the purpose of the app is to leave positive, constructive reviews.

Now imagine learning about that case from an art history professor who was severely averse to using words like, “sex,” “penis,” or “rape.”

I started doing that, too. I’m also not enough of a purist to care which brown carbonated fake-sugared beverage I drink, so I just ask for, “Diet cola, whichever kind you have.” Sometimes I end up with Diet RC, which is totally fine!

Is it because Coca Cola is based out of Georgia?

Goddammit, websites use FORWARDslashes, not BACKslashes. Get it right or just say slash, idiot.

I pick off toppings I don’t like. Mushrooms make me gag, and I find the taste of olives to be unpleasant and an experience ruiner.

This may be my favorite comment ever.

I’ve seen gay cows. Driving through farm land one afternoon, look over to the side, see one cow mounting another cow. No big deal, that happens all the—wait, they both have udders. I just saw lesbian cows bang. Alright.

They used the exact same argument when my hometown tried to pass a similar ordinance. I don’t get it. Most people who are trans want to pass and blend in, not be creepers. WTF.

The blue dye might turn your poo blue/green, but shitting rainbows is in the advanced section of the Gay Agenda (appendix F, if I recall correctly).

I had a roommate who flew from Bozeman to Denver to buy one off eBay.

There are only 4 states offering EDLs currently. New York is one of them, but the other non-RealID states are shit outta luck, apparently.