I am a sweaty beast, so no, I can’t not shower. When my stomach illness was causing night sweats, I was showering before AND after bed every day. I felt super shiny (literally, I was so well scrubbed that all my skin was exfoliated to a fault), but it seemed like a massive waste of water.

One of my cousins married a health inspector. She made sure to give us a list of where not to eat in town, which included:

Roommate A heard me talking about unloading my storage unit and said, “Why don’t you ask Roommate B if you can borrow her pickup?”

They had self checkouts at my local Costco back home. It was the best. That said, I’m one of those social anxious types who’d rather fuss with a machine for 10 extra minutes than save 5 but have to make small talk with a stranger (possibly several, if there’s a line, ugh).

Dammit, Jimmy Johns. You’re so delicious, but I just can’t anymore.

I dunno, getting screened at school seems like it could also be problematic. For instance, I was writing and quoting stuff like this throughout high school, but my counselor golfed with my dad, knew my family, and knew it was part of my (weirdo) creative side. If I’d been any other kid, though, that shit would have…

Bravo.

Way to half-ass the Glasgow Smile. Try harder, loser.

Montana had that issue when they opened up the plate designs to anyone. Some of them were ridiculously terrible, but don’t get me started, because I’ll be here all day. (Grandpa ran the tag plant at the territorial prison back in the day. MT license plates are serious business.)

License plate violations are why I ended up in jail for 3 hours back in 2012. Apparently not having one on the front of your car in some states is A Thing. And if you can’t attach it because the OEM bracket is a piece of shit that falls off if you breathe near it, well, hope you enjoy your stay (in the nicest, most…

I’ve read multiple interviews with TV and movie writers who talk about how they have to clear names with legal all the time. How does a massive toy company whiff on that?

How is violent rap/hip-hop any different from murder ballads? I don’t see Australia kicking Nick Cave out anytime soon. Not to compare the two, though I enjoy both (Tyler less so, but he’s got his moments).

Oh yeah, Grandpa was there. He just didn’t talk much, and he didn’t care to bother the waitress.

Agreed. I wish my school had done that. Khakis or skirts and polo shirts for all.

Imagine being a foodie with a taste for spicy things, and then getting sick and having to be on a low-residue diet. The. Worst.

My grandmother had a touch of the Alzheimers, plus she was an insufferable human being in general. I used to make a point of running into the waiter(ess) on the way to the bar or bathroom to give her a preview of the night.

Are all text books nowadays written so blandly? The sentences are all structured the same, and it reads like a 6th grader’s book report. As an avid reader who’s been known to pick up text books for fun-time reading since childhood, this sort of shit would have put me off learning real quick. Or at least had me looking…

I also ask for drinks with no ice. I'm the worst.

I pre-ordered Metroid: Zero Mission at the only local GS, which was about 4 miles from the college campus where I lived. The town had crap or non-existent sidewalks and zero public transit. Also, it was due out in the middle of winter, and I had no car. I joked about this with the clerk while I made my pre-order,…

Agreed on the font/size. I thought I’d accidentally hit the scroll wheel and the ctrl key at the same time again.