Not a fan of John Scott the enforcer, but I absolutely love John Scott the human being. This was an incredible moment. He even earned the MVP! For the record, the NHL didn’t put him on the MVP ballot either. Fans wrote him in and he won anyway. Suck it, Bettman.

Bettman should thank whatever God he believes in that Scott didn’t club him over the head with the trophy and then run over his body with the car.

I, for one, welcome Real Salt Lake’s John Terry.

That’s not how you use Throwing Shade. And that’s not the correct usage of Stay Woke. Gawker commentators sound like Hillary Clinton but somehow less cool and trying way harder.

Tom had the greatest Twitter burn of all time:

Google would always win because it can send Boston Dynamics robots to unplug Facebook’s servers.

His then-teammate Wayne Rooney!

After all, Didier Drogba and Nicholas Anelka were big-name players who went to China as recently as 2012, only to go running back to Europe at the first opportunity.

I like the camaraderie in the penalty box at the end. “Oh hey man, you got a red too? This guy sucks right?”

Pretty smug for a guy whose headline and article don’t match. Have they played consistently since WW2? For 100 years? Who the fuck knows

Shouldn’t you be scouring Amazon for the next great deal on velcro ties?

Don’t forget to use your driver’s license to scrape off a business card sized hole in the ice too.

I thought it was “defroster on high, wait till there’s a 3” hole in the ice, drive away scrunching your neck down so you can (barely) see out the 3” clearing...

The bigger joke is “productition.”

I live in Alabama. Since Halftime, I have heard more ambulance sirens in the past 30 minutes than I have heard in all of 2015. The state is about to enter a peak inebriation phase.