Now we know where to start when we kick off the next round of crusades. Watch your back Magary.

Hey, where's the Nightmare Fuel tag?

Deadspin's coverage of Simmons often resembles Leitch's bashing of Roger Ebert.

That's okay, the Irish team can get screwed during qualifying instead.

@GrimeyGrimes: +1

This should cushion the blow of the inevitable Eagles playoff collapse.

So by this logic, you can only criticize someone for ratting only if the rat hasn't committed the same offense? The hell with this, I'm getting a beer.

Some aspects of Simmons' book are kind of annoying, but Pierce's review was weird and overly personal. Pierce comes across as an outcast, like a bitter old homeless guy who lives under a bridge, or writes a blog on boston.com.

@Always Winning: I don't think Salley's aware this is a Deadspin feature, so whoever's doing it could come up with better stories and just attribute them to Salley. Like, "the time I (John Salley) murdered a hooker..."

@Always Winning: Someone listens to the Hench/Salley podcast and gleans these nuggets.

Even the one that Shannon Sharpe got right was the result of the CBS staff not understanding what he was saying.

Photo taken after Joba successfully completed an adult literacy program.

Another way to annoy Rondo: "Hey, hitting a softball is easy, like shooting 20-foot jump shots."

Iraq WMD's Might Not Have Existed, But Cheney Still A Cool Guy

@WhynotstartYunieveryday: The Spartans vs. the Orangemen would have been a good historical battle - the Orangemen were Protestants who discriminated against Irish Catholics and probably would have gotten their asses kicked by bloodthirsty ancient Greeks.

If only Josh McDaniels thought of this earlier, he could have saved his job for sure.

Cool, I see it's Take a Cheap Shot at Peter King Day. Hey Peter King, you're not a king, you're a chump. Peter Chump, HA!

"I'll play 'em right now, if they want to go out and do it again" - So, Rex Ryan still can't shut up. Geez.

McDaniels didn't find out through Twitter, but instead the live video feed he had planted in Bowlen's office.

There's no way out, Wisconsin students. Your future is tied to a dairy-based economy.