I was thinking “Life on Mars” but then I’m way too damned literal.

I’m confusingly sexually attracted to that woman despite only seeing two pictures of her. I’m blaming a Catholic upbringing for this, and now searching for a subreddit of sexy Satanists to fulfill the joys of my new found fetish.

I imagine the same level of masochism is required to be a soccer referee as there is volunteering to moderate a GOP presidential candidates’ debate.

.

Wait until someone tells Goodell that they can totally start a new charity to cover the fines of NFL players who violate uniform policy to spread social awareness.

Scrape 85-95% of those funds off the top, and you make even more money.

Say for the sake of this argument, everyone in the company has to work those same hours as you choose, but to make sure actual work gets done, you will not have internet or social-media access at work.

Jerry went on local radio and said that not only was he not going to be punishing Hardy, but they’re looking towards giving him a long-term deal.

I’m certain this is only another move by the Cowboys front office to ensure that I, personally, just give the fuck up on the NFL.

... That’s kind of a lot of weed.

Not like, deserve-to-get-shot-over-it, but that’s a lot of weed.

Paging Key & Peele.

Most of the local sports radio guys were hesitant (more so, it’d seem, than the national broadcast teams) to praise Hardy’s on-the-field contributions over his obvious issues, but this morning, they’re livid.

Seriously, how are they going to let him back on the field next week?

Goddamnit, Magary, I wanted to call you a stupid ignorant slut for this INDEFENSIBLE TAKE™ you’ve laid down, then you had to drop the ol’ Unschooler Ben Kenobi card right out of the fucking gate.

Fuck you.

In fairness, Abbott (and other Texas Republicans) have been on a mission to shutdown women’s health services for the last few decades. Now they’re actually getting traction by looking for any way to pull an end-around on Roe v. Wade because they know they’d lose that battle.

I’m a resident of Texas, and I have to say,…

You’d think they’d have picked up on how this looks to the public about 15 years ago.

Can we push together a previous scandal with this, like some kind of Pitino Madlibs?

It was the underage prostitute in the Italian restaurant getting an abortion from Andre McGee.

Pitino closes his blog post by citing the Pope, though I’m fairly certain the original quote wasn’t specifically in reference to stripper parties.

Well, that rules out the Cowboys. Our idea of QB development is to throw so much shit against the wall that once it sticks, and if moderately successful in this regard, consider it on par with healing leprosy or walking on water.

That, or try and recreate that “magic” of the 2008 Lions season by reuniting Jon fuckin’…

There wasn’t but there is now.

Have to nitpick here, Drew.

Hiding in caves/the desert: Terrorist Stuff
Hiding in woods: The things REAL PATRIOTS™ are doing that the Department of Homeland Security under Barack Hussein Obama is trying to make illegal.

It will never, ever happen, but even as a hometown fan, if the Cowboys could somehow figure out how to snake RGIII from Snyder, the ensuing shitstorm would be amazing to watch.

At this point, I wonder if Jerrah will go after RGIII or Manziel.