I always liked to think that I wasn’t a “bad” Eagles fan. Now that I’m a father, I found out last season that maybe I was. My son, for whatever reason, quickly learned to recognize football, and would sometimes pay attention as I watched. He was 21 months old, and I had the first Dallas game of the season on the TV.…

A friend of mine once took me for a tour around Philly consisting of buildings that burned down, buildings that burned down suspiciously, and, of course, buildings the police chose to burn down that then caused other buildings to burn down. She still lives there.

The true Wentz is more nuanced and complicated, with sources describing him as “selfish,” “uncompromising,” “egotistical,” one who plays “favorites” and doesn’t like to be “questioned,” one who needs to “practice what he preaches” and fails “to take accountability.”

April 2nd, 2009, I was driving home from Madison to Chicago with my friend and coworker. Around Janesville, one of us gets a text that Jay Cutler is being traded to the Bears, so we flip on one of the Chicago AM sports channels, Silvy and Waddle, or whatever, they are pretty much indistinguishable Dikta-humping…

You are looking at former WWF wrestler Doink the Clown and someone else dressed like him.  A double Doink, if you will.

Good point, Burner. She has very little experience with athletic achievement in high-pressure situations. Hard to believe you’re in the greys.

Counter-counterpoint: Malort is awful. In medical school, I did a psych consult on a guy at Cook County Hospital after he had drunk turpentine because he was starting to go into DT’s. I asked him why he had done such a thing, which was my job, and he said “it was that or Malort.”

I like it, but call it what it is: casserole

“All the Dick Wolf Chicago shows are pale imitations of the Dick Wolf shows set in New York.” 

“Okay. But we’re only going to pay you $20K this year. That cool?”

My best friend for the last 35 years is as die-hard of an Eagles fan as I am a Bears fan (meaning we are two idiots who will hold onto the 1 Super Bowl we will experience tighter than any actual meaningful moment from our sad lives).

Matt Nagy - If you’re reading this, here’s Carli Lloyd of the USWNT hitting a clean 55 yarder:

My coach is the only man in the world who can pull off a visor. That alone is worth it.

Chicago pizza is just lasagna 

The Bears really are the midwestern Skins, just with less repugnant ownership. Their stadium sucks, the field constantly looks like a monster truck rally just took place (despite the city offering to pay for artificial turf!), the fans are delusional meatheads who are stuck in the 80s, and the team has had maybe three…

Next up: Philadelphia Eagles.

This was a personal favorite snippet of mine that was edited out as well:

“Bear Weather” is winter. Bears sleep in the winter. Stop owning yourselves with “Bear Weather” you absolute stereotypes.

Of course he is obsessed with field goals, they are going to need to kick one every time the defense gets a turnover leading to an offensive three and out.

The new Bears logo: