Until your wife sees your choice and then gives you The Look

Texts, or workplace IMs. SAY WHAT YOU’RE GONNA SAY.

Straight from Star Shower website...

Poor Michelle Dockery (Lady Mary from Downton)! Her fiance just died and he was only in his 30s. Cancer is truly a bitch.

This being the 3rd anniversary of Sandy Hook, I’m elated to see that Ohio truly cares about the safety and welfare of children.

When asked about post-fetus children in his state who don’t have enough to eat every day, the AG commented ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

snip-snip hooray

“Everyone was like, why do you have tampons and I was all WHY NOT I AM STILL VERY YOUNG AND HIP AND MENSTRUATEY AND SEXUALLY VIABLE right, daughter? You think I’ve still got it, cameraman? How about you over there? You? Anyone?”

On a side note, this is exactly why abortion needs to be legal. Women used to die from child birth all the time and people are forgetting that. It’s a major medical event. I hate when people make flippant remarks about “why can’t the woman just stick it out for nine months and let the baby be born?” Because its not…

My cat used to sleep on the keyboard or right next to it. I got a small square plastic dish pan (Rubbermaid type thing) and put it on a chair next to my chair. It took about a week to teach him that he will get petted and or left alone if he lays there but picked up and moved if he lays on the desk. Now he just…

I stole this joke, but it is a good joke.

Nah, it’s just his werewolf side is taking over!

Well, at this point he only has one option then:

in other “news” Ben Affleck got cast as Batman, there’s a financial crisis in Greece, and Donald Trump is running for President I think.

“bearded people need to be rounded up and executed”

You know what they say, there are no tiny 1,000 year old alien roles, just tiny 1,000 year old alien actors.

In most states, you can call *77 on your cell to get in contact with the highway patrol in the area. They should be able to relay your intention to the officer following you. Check on your state though, as some use other numbers. You should also turn on your hazards, use the right lane, and travel at normal speed.

THESE WHITE TEARS GIVE ME THE LIFE FORCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS