I’m just going to mail turds to Cory Gardner because a letter won’t help. His campaign was all, “Oh I’m totally down with the ladies,” except for how he definitely isn’t. His one semi-women-friendly thing was making the pill available over the counter (and I have suspicions about his motivations there), but he’s…

I feel like I’m never going to be able to see her without wanting to aggressively say, “COUNCILWOMAN Moscato.”

Uh, since when is anyone obligated to define their sexuality? Especially for people they don’t even know.

I was either 6 or 7 when I got mine and I think my sister was the same, so it doesn’t seem weird to me. But maybe people are paying more attention to their kids’ eyesight. I always hear about those kids who got bad grades and it turned out they just can’t see the board, so maybe my generation is taking their kids to…

He really is and I like a lot of his music, but then he can be such a try-hard. Like, we get it, you were super controversial for 10 minutes in the 90s. Granted, Madonna is totally doing the same thing. They’re both that kid on the playground who got attention for jumping off the jungle gym once, and then does it…

My husband does that. Orders burgers/sandwiches with no vegetables. He’ll eat spinach in a salad, but if you even try to suggest that he leave lettuce on something, he is not having it. It’s very strange. I mean, I know most lettuce is pretty nutritionally useless, but I never considered it offensive enough to get…

I dated a guy once whose mom used to switch up her normal recipes so I could eat them. She made me turkey green chili sometimes just so I didn’t always feel left out on green chili nights. Man she was a nice lady. I’m pretty sure I missed her more than her son when he and I broke up.

I think I might be one of those people. :( I have a lot of issues with food. I don’t eat any meat besides fish, but I always horrify everyone when I ask for my tuna to be cooked medium well. I do ok with sashimi, but something about the texture difference when fish is cooked on the outside and raw on the inside makes…

Unless you’re allergic to shrimp, in which case you just have to stare sadly while everyone else eats all the goddamn grits every Easter.

I was awake until 4 last night (not by choice) and it was awful. I can sort of see where being awake at that time of day makes sending stupid emails seem like a good idea because everything is terrible after being awake for 22 hours.

All it’s missing is a prosthesis.

I’ve decided my parents need to live forever, too. My sister died almost 5 years ago, so when they die, I feel like I’m going to be alone. So yeah, my parents are required to live to be about 103 and 114 so that they can die along with me when I’m 80.

I only live about 10 minutes away, which is good. I see my mom and dad more than any of my other friends. Fortunately, my husband likes them a lot (like, he and my dad do stuff without me on a regular basis) so it works well.

Ha that’s awesome. My mom got mom drunk and tripped off the curb once and just laughed and said, “Whoopsie!” It was the greatest role reversal of all time to my 22 year old self.

Wait what, super chilled out dude? Those were literally ALL post breakup stories. Was he confusing the winners from the previous week’s pissing contest for the current week’s topic? I am not super chill, ever, and I am also confused now.

Crazy people are who object. I got hit by a drunk driver when I was 20. I was stopped at a light and he hit me so hard he pushed my car a good 200 feet. The paramedics said if I hadn’t had a seatbelt on, I would’ve died. Hard pass on riding without one.

I actually pulled over a couple times in high school when my little sister’s friends thought they were cute and unbuckled after we were driving. I was like, “oh ok, I guess you guys want to walk to school? Cool, see you.” I was not popular.

Right? Child, put on your damn seatbelt. I don’t know where she is, but where I live, I would get a ticket for having unbelted passengers, and I always tell people who object that I like them enough not to want them to die if we get in an accident but not enough to get a ticket for them.

I’ve noticed every time I like blue shadow on someone, it’s more of a navy than the 80s blue I always imagine. If you have the right coloring, you should give it a shot with drugstore brands or have someone at Sephora do it. I think they do one thing for free (like foundation or eyes or whatever). Sad for me, I have…

It shouldn’t. Hair splinters are a bitch. My sister was a stylist and had sensitive skin, and she’d end up with little spots all over her arms from the hair. Not to even mention fumes from hair color and bleach. Breastfeeding in a salon while you’re under a dryer is one thing, but doing it during the actual cut, or…