You know what? If a dude said, “I want this baby, and I know you don’t, so I won’t hold you responsible for any aspect of being a parent,” and THEN could carry that fetus to term in his own body, I wouldn’t have a problem with men being able to veto abortions. Actually, I still might but it doesn’t matter because this…

Seriously, though, TINDER BEATER?! Who the hell was like, “Yes, let’s talk about abuse, it’ll be great, and we’ll start by naming it after the abuse! And then let’s put a bunch of pictures of dudes that unexpectedly look like they’re going to hit users.” Who approved any of this?

Like the first Avengers, obviously. Or The Winter Soldier. I’m not attracted to Sebastian Stan all the time, but put him in eyeliner and a metal arm, and I become all about it.

Pfft, amateur hour. Use your phone like the rest of us, guy.

For some weird reason, it makes me feel like someone is super into rage comics. I get such a strong “I know that feel” vibe.

No. Naaaah. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. The more people fawn over her, the more I feel like I’m taking crazy pills, because this is tacky as fuuuuck. But I’m also about done with her (and what feels like about 90% of celebrities, tbf) after the whole Mayweather/Pacquiao fight anyway, so whatever.

Haven’t read them, since I’m not actually much of a comic fan. I blame Rob Liefeld’s hideous and incredibly prevalent art for putting me off them when I was a kid. As far as I was aware, Hawkeye only ever officially married Mockingbird. And had a thing with like, every other woman in the universe, but I guess that’s…

I need this outfit. Except the shoes because I don’t do red. The rest of it is about to become my running errands outfit or something. “Oh I just threw this on to run to the grocery store!” - Me, soon

Either way, no one is buying this film for freakin’ Hawkeye

The people who run Worth the Wait thought these videos were documentaries.

Definitely about being seen, but that’s not a good excuse. Someone could offer me a metric fuckton of money to attend, and there is no way. Unless I figured out how to create a small, localized black hole that would take just the venue.

No, that’s a pretty standard Raiders fan.

-Sarcastic as balls

How can you know what your hard limits are if you’ve never had sex with a random guy on an air mattress that gradually deflated the more he humped at you until your tailbone was just resting on the ground and you felt like you should probably stop drinking whiskey in those quantities? I feel like that was a real…

Here’s my thing with that - 21 Jump Street was hilarious (to be fair, I have the sense of humor a 12 year old boy, albeit a socially conscious one) and was obviously very successful. So if it’s not as funny, people are going to turn around and say, “SEE, WOMEN AREN’T FUNNY HURRRRRR” or women aren’t as good at carrying…

I know that at one point, she was involved with Gabe Jones, but I think that was a lot later (like post anti-miscegenation laws). I can’t imagine them having her date Dum Dum, though. I mean, I’m 99% sure he was married anyway, but I also think it might be weird having Peggy date Cap and two Howling Commandos.

Waaaait. Maybe she meant it changes your JEANS. Like, if it spills on your pants, they’re going to be dirty. That’s just a fact. Also yes, I totally review my purchases in the parking lot.

I’m amazed you didn’t start laughing. There’s no way I would’ve been able to hold it in, or at least saying, “That is literally not possible, and if it were, there’s no way it would cost $___.”

Can I just address something that annoys me about a lot of these products? “Natural” and “organic” do not automatically mean safe, or good for you. A lot of synthetic chemicals were developed because the natural stuff doesn’t work as well. I’m not saying that’s universally true, I’m just hitting peak organic fatigue.…

“You either love him or you hate him.” Yeah, no, we know, Woody. We fucking get it. Please be more obvious about how all your movies are about you in some way, just in case someone has been living in a cave for 30 years.