Please do this on a weekly basis. I need this in my life.

Finland sucks.

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

They were warned. It was explained to them. Still, they persisted.

Serious question: How do I apply this to adults without sounding condescending*?

Love the spin: “We were just practicing so we could weed out the problems.” Riiiiight.

Man, i hated rotary phones. You had to start all the way from the beginning if you made a mistake and didn’t dial the reich number.

I would rather see him fucking a plane that fucking a country.

But did he grab it by the tail

Well, she is his cock pit.

Ivanka’s 35, which can only lead one to conclude that Donald Trump believes she is an airplane.

For those who aren’t familiar with the conversion math, that’s equivalent to 264 in wrestling years.

However you didn’t mind getting a 4 year free ride at UVA, founded by a slave owner.

the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

Here in Michigan, they’re talking about Kid Rock running for senate. There’s your cup of poop soup to go with your shit sandwich.

Yeah, it’s almost as though there’s just something about them that’s . . . different —

Jared Kushner looks like the perfect, caring fiancé in a L&O SVU episode who is later revealed to have been kidnapping all those brunettes and dressing them up in his late mother’s clothes.

I swear to god, it isn’t Trump that’s going to make us all revolt, it’s Timberlake winning a fucking Oscar.