“Why would ESPN hire a porn star I’ve never heard of...”

(looks up Brock Huard)

“Oh.”

(sighs)

R-MAN AND THE COOZ, EVERY MONDAY AT 3 ON 97.1 THE TICKETTTTT

I do not understand this comment but I like it.

If we don’t colonize space then what was the point of Monster Magnet’s “Space Lord?”

PASS THIS MAN THE BONG.

Broken Matt Hardy was the pop culture figure I most identified with in 2017.

As a 6'3" man, fuck you Bill. Maybe an XL long if you’re Slenderman.

I thought that moment came when I stopped caring about new music and invested in a khaki-colored jacket.

He’s an Owl now; I believe he’s just cultivating plumage.

These fucking cockstains...

Oh yeah anti-depressants didn’t really work for me, kind of dug me deeper into the hole. Weed helps.

If it wasn’t for investing in a vaporizer and jerking off every night, I’d probably would have set a lot of things on fire this year.

What do you call the camera on the jet that saw the UFO?


A FRAVOR SAVER.

(Cums)

(Walks out)

Anyone here ever go to the wrestling indies held at Play Atlantis in Melvindale, MI? Last time we went we got high with Necro Butcher in a flower delivery van, some kid got so drunk he started fighting a ghost and then we were asked to leave because some parent pulled a gun on another parent during a kids’ birthday…

Would have figured you as a Jizzlobber guy, Drew.

I believe the phrase is “bacon of democracy.”

Go work in a nonprofit. We swear like motherfucking sailors.

I put some spot remover on my dog; now he’s gone.

Who is the most metal person in the office?

But they’re the best words.