Almost forgot my grandmother’s standby, “Of course your depressed, you’ve made so many bad life choices.”

My mom was angry at me once when I was a teenager and said she didn’t know whether or not to believe me about being molested as a kid because I can’t be trusted.

It’d like Strom Thurmond came back from hell to have an unholy three-way love child with Ann Coulter and a sentient Confederate flag.

2002-era Drrty Christina Aguleria called, she wants her gimmick back.

I consider listening to John Mayer music to be an "intellectual crash." So I guess we're even?

My MIL managed to throw shade without writing a word when she left me off the Christmas card one year.

I think this depends on where you are. I grew up in NYC (Far Rock represent!) and a lot of people used "female" there. It was just a part of the neighborhood lexicon and it was used both negatively and positively.

That's my favorite part too. I was all "I would cuddle that bastard to my doom."

I grew up in NYC and worked for years in fancy-pants restaurants Manhattan restaurants as a server. So I've encountered my fair share of famous folks, with varying degrees of strangeness. But my weirdest celebrity encounter would have to be the time my cousin gave Kelsey Grammer a panic attack at a Flaming Lips show.

I live in Las Vegas. A glitter bomb would only make me stronger.

This reminds me of the "friend" (now former" who defended staying friends with my rapist by telling me that "I need to get over it or get help" and she was just "telling me like it is." People who say this are assholes, plain and simple.

This brat is a 19-year-old adult woman, not a kid. I think she can handle being called a bitch.

It might be valid, but this guy sounded like a Grade A douche about it.

I bet he smells like his own cats, hence the kitten losing his shit.

Having cats AND a waterbed? Some men just want to watch the world burn.

"...willing to follow your man"

The thing is, healthcare doesn't "actually cost" as much as we are expected to pay in the US. The prices in the US are triple (or more) what they should be because doctors and hospitals have to fight insurance companies to get actually get paid.

No, I totally know what you mean. I worked for a high profile chef at a Manhattan restaurant while I was in college. He was the biggest douche. Completely full of himself (especially since quite a bit of the supposed "gourmet" food came in frozen.

My husband didn't know who Joe Cocker was. Trying to convince myself this isn't a deal breaker.

To be fair, I think the fact that the customer yelled at the server was as much a trigger for the chef as the dressing thing. I would wager that if he had been polite about it, the chef would have reacted differently. I tend to agree with you about substitutions, but this customer was a mega douche from douche city so…