This does not surprise me in the slightest. The j-school students I taught as a grad student (composition, NATURALLY) were without fail the dimmest bulbs in the class. Always.

Sure, they could staple together a simple sentence, but they couldn’t think their way out of a paper bag.

This was also around ‘95, btw, and you…

Hey, you rock!

I’ve got a C-note for the pleasure of watching Prince Philip take charge of that situation. Please. Pretty please.

I find your lack of faith in American Exceptionalism disturbing.

I was taken to Stone Mountain by a boyfriend when I was 17. He’d moved down to Atlanta from our Midwestern cornfield-and-coal-mine town the year before.

To say I was fucking appalled by the out-and-out racism of the “museum” and the cracker-ass mouthbreathers in it is to understate the faint taste of vomit at the back…

I think the “both being over each other” thing is the key. If you’re really there, it can happen. My ex (and we’re talking ex-husband here, not ex-boyfriend) called me a few days ago with some really bizarre physical symptoms and asked what he should do, and once I got the “stop being an Idiot Man and go to Urgent…

Jamberry is this year’s Mary Kay, only it’s more horrible, because you buy some overpriced bullshit to make your coworker feel good, but then you have to try to use them, and you end up four cocktails in, sitting naked in your bathroom, bleeding because trying to trim stickers to fit your toenails = FUN! (not), trying…

You know who’d be the right personnel for that job?

The actual fucking militia, who are authorized by the 2nd Amendment to be armed to the effing teeth, and should be when performing this incredible act of service to their country.

You may have heard of them: Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines.

We all remember how all that wild living ended for Demi Moore in “About Last Night.” Or whatever damned movie that was. Actually I don’t remember because Gen Xers are now The Olds and stuff and these kids today with their Tinders can get their soft dicks and midnight poon off our lawns.

You are now officially legally obliged to open an eBay auction for this and post the link RIGHT HERE.

To a Republican, pretty sure French = Drinks Wine = Aristocrat.

Also Freedom Fries and Surrender Monkeys and something else about Freedom.

To get terribly technical, it wasn’t the jumping off the roof that did it, either.

It was, in point of fact, the LANDING.

I don’t see how that’s possible unless they’re literally checking children’s vaccination records at the gate.

The problem with anti-vaxxers is that you can’t lock them and their children up in a nice containment dome that keeps the whole disease-vector family inside their own damned home and just send in food…

That doesn’t keep their snotty, drooly, sneezy (and the other Seven Dwarfs) asses out of other public places like, you know.

Disneyland.

Oh, nah. Internet commenters have narrowed it down to “If you carry a few extra pounds around through no fault of your own other than lousy genetic luck, you’re a terrible fucking person and should go die in fire, fatty.”

That’s peer-reviewed, double-blind and indisputable, brought to you by the International Journal…

Clothes of any kind (including bathing suits) are considered dirty.

Before you get in a hot spring, there is typically a very public showering/bathing area adjacent to the spring where everybody is fully expected to scrub every millimeter of his/her nakedness with soap and hot water until it is gleaming clean, rinse…

Glad you had that opportunity for clarity.

I got the gift of ghosting too, from a Friend w/ Bennies. Long story short, no way that could have continued any longer than it had. FWB did me a solid.

Didn’t make the month of the active ghosting suck any less but it sure as heck put an exclamation point on things and…

Please return your degree or diploma, if you have one, and re-take any humanities classes you seem to have skipped, slept through, or paid somebody else to attend for you.

Chopping off your balls might also be perfectly reasonable.

Did I get in before “It’s not just the South that’s racist the North is racist Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”?