You know, I’ve never once read a Hemingway book.  They just don’t that interesting.  

Johnson sounds cuddly.  (Then again, I date a rugby player, so...yeah)

You know these bloggers.  As inconsistent as a Star Trek ship schematic and far more problematic than Eddie Murphy.

Yup. Smiling is fucking creepy, especially if you’re one of those fuckwits who walks around with a smile permanently on their face.  Next time someone tells you to smile, backhand them and tell them I told you to do it.

Eh, it’s a legitimate boys name here in Scotland. I worked with a Jamie who was in his sixties and got seriously pissy when English colleagues would refer to him as “James” or whinge “I can’t fiind you in the address book!”

Hey, America, remember when you were trying to push that pot-head on the rest of the world as The World’s Sexiest Man (or something similar)?

Nope.

Have we started a fundraiser to support the Rona for being caught in a dumb environment.  That poor virus.

TEH FLOOF!  *wuffles*

God, I hate dishwashers. An utterly pointless tool, designed for lazy fuckers who think they’re too good to wash their own dishes. GET A SCRUBBING BRUSH, YOU TARTS! Mr Biblioteca got rid of his and put in a dedicated fridge for his beer and Gu desserts. Far better waste of his money, if you ask me.

I think cabbage gets a bad rep and that bad rep? It comes from the fact that a lot of people are not taught how to cook it properly. Believe it not - and I’m seriously not kidding here - the UK Government did a wartime film on how to cook cabbage...

Harmful ideas: religion.

Look at you, Marnie, going all Ann-Reardon on us!

I’m going to say the same for the bottle return for Barr’s. Barr’s Irn Bru is our most popular soft drink - it even boots Coca Cola into second place on a regular basis - and a lot of people still buy it in the glass bottles (Mr Biblioteca swears by a glass bottle of Irn Bru, left at room temperature, to be drunk the…

Ravens are amazing, cool animals. They’re one of the few bird species that have been spotted using various items as tools in order to get food. And they are seriously, seriously fucking cool.

See, I don’t really mind the ice cream van (or Tali as it’s known round these parts) playing their jingle. It’s a damned sight better than listening to her down at number 87 playing Westlife over and over and over (honey, they split up back in the 2000s. Good god, girl, get a grip). And it’s frequently a sign that…

God, he’s pathetic. He obviously subscribes to that pathetic school of thought that a waistcoat cinching in your waist and with excess fabric on your shirt sleeves somehow makes you look buffer than you are.

Well, for starters, chip shop chips are fatter than fries.  I think someone told me that one UK chip is equal to four US fries.  I will say this though:  they’re more substantial and satisfying.  Plus, they’re brilliant for throwing at irritating children.

Is he the bearded prick who dresses like a reject from Men@Play?  

Same with Five Guys. They opened up here in Glasgow a few years back, went along and was more disappointed than that time I downloaded a celebrity’s dick pic (really, dude, you’re bragging about how “great” you are with what looks like a half-dead frozen chipolata swinging betwix your spotty thighs? Get thee to a…